How to Hanky

A green-minded co-worker of mine had a cold recently and, knowing that I am a pocket-square enthusiast, asked if I had any helpful tips so as to avoid “revisiting old territory” when using a handkerchief. It’s not such an easy thing, but certainly doable if you’re serious about reducing your impact on our waste-stream. If you’ve ever wondered how to get the most out of your environmentally sound snot-rag, then read on!

Making your own pocket-squares
Making your own snot-rag is a piece of cake. All you need is the ability to cut in a more or less straight line, and either know your way around a sewing machine or at least be functional at using a needle and thread. You can also purchase bandannas at almost any dollar store for, well, a dollar. However, making one yourself gives you that extra connection, and ultimately is more eco-friendly, as all the materials needed are already available to you in your closet or dresser drawers.

Step one: locate a T-shirt that has almost outlasted its usefulness. Personally, I have a few rock T-shirts I bought in years past that have now seen hundreds of washes and are starting to come apart at the seams. After a few more washes, they will be turned into handkerchiefs. Consider doing the same, rather than relegating them to the rag pile, or the garbage.

Step two: cut away worn out areas, with luck leaving a large piece from the front and back. Sleeves can be used, too.

Step three: cut the remaining material into your desired square size.

Step four: fold the edges over by about one centimeter. Sew these strips of material down, with a machine or by hand, creating a hemline. Now you are in business.

Making the most of your personal pocket-square
Many styles exist for the presentable folding of pocket squares. However, if your hanky is lined up for serious use, rather than fashionable accompaniment, these elaborate styles are not so important.

Step one: own more than one handkerchief. If you do laundry once a week, consider investing in seven of these puppies. If you’re experiencing heavy nasal discharge, one a day will fill up fast.

Step two: work your way from one corner to the middle of your piece of cloth. This will give you four solid snot lanes. Use just enough cloth to clean yourself up, but not too much to write your hanky off immediately.

Step three: if you’re in dire straights, feel free to reuse a lane if it has had time to dry. While not highly desirable, it beats using the sleeve of your bunnyhug, or a dead tree. If your hanky is full and you are outside, consider the classic “farmer’s blow” for ultimate eco-friendliness. If, however, you are worried about the social ramifications of such an action, or are not entirely down with “revisiting old territory,” proceed to step four.

Step four: wash your handkerchief with cold-wash laundry detergent. Unless you need your snot-rag to be shining white (if perhaps you are considering surrendering a battle in the near future), don’t waste energy heating your water for washing your dirty laundry. Cold-water detergent is available at any major retailer and will result in considerable savings to your hydro bill over time.

Step five: hang your hanky to dry. Again, this will save you loads of energy in the long run. In winter, in Winnipeg, my laundry dries in a matter of hours. Summertime, if the sun is out, the same holds true.

Step six: repeat until the day you are buried in the cold, hard ground. The trees and the energy you will save over a lifetime will help ensure that there are trees and clean water for future generations to enjoy. Bequeath your cleanest, most valued pocket-squares to your grandchildren in your last will and testament. They will remember you every time they blow their nose, for good or ill.