If you happen to be an accident prone, red-headed 17 year old with an unexplainable crosshatch pattern in your hair, chances are you can identify pretty closely with Archie Comics’ own Archie Andrews. For those of us who are none of those things, we can still identify with Archie due to the monumental choice that is constantly in front of him. Our faithful protagonist is constantly torn between the sweet, blond-haired Betty Cooper, and the stylish, raven-haired heiress Veronica Lodge.
Betty Cooper is the girl next-door; middle class, smart, athletic and well liked; she was also ranked at 66 in Comic Buyer’s Guide’s: 100 sexiest women in comics issue, as creepy as that may be. Veronica Lodge is her perfect foil; an aristocrat through and through, stylish, narcissistic, spoiled and popular. She also made the list in Comic Buyer’s Guide’s: 100 sexiest women in comics issue, but came in at 87th. At first glance it would appear that Betty is the clear choice for Archie, however given the recent storylines within the comics both girls have been pursuing other love interests. The girls are both operating under a similar idea: going out with another boy will incite jealousy in Archie and he will vie for their attention.
Where does this leave poor ol’ Archie? Pulling out his ridiculously orange hair by the fistful I would imagine. Betty and Veronica are frenemies and have said they only fight over things that don’t matter, namely: boys. These girls have been slugging it out over Archie since 1941 and they openly admit that at the end of the day, boys are no big deal. To me this puts both girls on even standing; after all they’ve been toying with Archie’s feelings for the past 71 years. So it ultimately comes down to what either of them can offer Archie. I could go into detail about which girl I myself would choose but that might lead into some scary territory. If he chooses Betty he resigns himself to a solid middle class life, content but ever wondering what could have been with Veronica. If he chooses Veronica he moves up the social ladder, into the high life with guaranteed financial security but married to a materialistic and vain woman. Either way Archie loses.
The clear choice is for Archie to remain a swinging bachelor, driving around in his crap car with his dopey friend, who clearly has an eating disorder. This is the Archie that everyone has come to know and I can’t see it changing anytime soon, they’ve tried making Archie a married man in some dream sequence issues, but it just wouldn’t be Archie. So, there you have it — quite an anticlimactic conclusion to such a controversial topic.