After trying multiple times, I just recently ended a relationship with my partner of several years.
When we were together I always came second to something, but every time I tried to leave my partner would have a total break down, threaten suicide and act like I was the most important thing in their life. But then we get back together and all they want is my money and apartment and would just ditch me to go party. When we do spend time together it is just one argument after another.
Now that we have broken it off they continue to contact me, trying to convince me that I am doing something wrong by leaving. They act like the victim and I just can’t get them to see my side. I’ve lost so many friends and just want to be left alone.
Signed, Anonymous (24)
Oh the stories I could tell you about my emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive, pathological liar ex-partners. Unfortunately, it took me about three relationships to get ending them right.
The first thing you need to do is cut them the hell off, their friends too — choosing sides sucks, but stick with people who support you and your decisions. Do not keep toxic people in your life. If they are all you have, make new friends. Take a class, go to a bar and see some music, join a dating/social networking site, anything to get yourself out of your old routine.
If you need the closure give them one last telling off/goodbye, but make sure you just walk away and never look back. Delete and block their number from your phone and remove/block them on whatever social sites you are on. If they have a blog, a Facebook account, or what have you, fight whatever urges you have to view their account. If they are posting things about you, they are only fishing for your attention.
I know it will seem hard, but remember that your personal happiness is ultimately more important than someone whose company comes at the price of making you miserable.
Remember readers, you too can ask for advice from Kara. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org with your question. Discretion is guaranteed, although if you’d like to use your real name that’s cool with us!