Earlier this month the NHL announced that the league was teaming with comic book guru Stan Lee to form Guardian Media Entertainment LLC, a platform for which Lee plans to launch a brand new stable of super heroes. What makes these particular super heroes so special is that each one will reportedly correspond with one of the 30 cities currently housing NHL teams. This means that, in due time, the Calgary Flames, the Boston Bruins, even the Nashville Predators, will have their very own NHL-themed, Stan Lee-created super hero for fans to gush over.
“To be in business with Stan Lee and to be able to bring his latest superheroes to our fans is incredibly exciting to all of us at the NHL,” said Brian Jennings, NHL executive vice-president of marketing. “We are in constant pursuit of new ways to engage our fans and to introduce new fans to hockey, and the business of Guardian Media Entertainment does exactly that.”
Here at the Manitoban, we’ve come up with our own list of would-be sports super heroes. Not necessarily limited just to the realm of professional hockey, the following is a sports hero roster deserving of at least some consideration.
Name: Multiplicity Man
Team: New Jersey Devils
Power: In the blink of an eye, Multiplicity Man can replicate himself numerous times, creating a small crowd from just one person. The New Jersey hero doesn’t have much time for crime fighting, though; Devils GM Lou Lamoriello took immediate advantage of this power when he signed Multiplicity Man to a $500,000 entry level contract, effectively filling up to ten roster spots all at one low price.
Arch Nemesis: Ilya Kovalchuk’s 15-year contract
Name: The Crushing Expectations
Team: Montreal Canadiens
Power: When all members of the super hero squad The Crushing Expectations join forces with their power rings, they have the collective ability destroy the confidence of even their toughest foes. Faced with overwhelming pressure, most enemies would rather simply leave town than have to go toe-to-toe with The Crushing Expectations.
Arch Nemesis: Promising young prospects
Name: Mr. Invisible
Team: San Jose Sharks
Power: Mr. Invisible has the ability of dominate enemies with devastating strength but he is also known for his camouflage skills, consistently disappearing into thin air around spring time each year. For five straight years San Jose’s hero has been noticeably absent around late May/early June.
Arch Nemesis: The playoffs
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Power: Blessed with the strongest vocal chords known to man, Megaphonix has the ability to spread information to wide ranges of the earth’s population at record speeds. An unfortunate side effect of the Torontonian’s power is that he often drowns out other, more important broadcasts and targets an alarmingly large number of uninterested citizens.
Arch Nemesis: Ambivalence.
Name: Super Ego
Team: Miami Heat
Power: Miami’s hero is known worldwide as one of the most self-centered, egotistical individuals on the planet. Whenever there is too much attention concentrated elsewhere, Super Ego has the ability to transform into one of those inflatable waving tube men used in front of car dealerships. This power comes in handy whenever Miami Heat super friends Lebron James, Dwyane Wade or Chris Bosh need a break from the pesky sports media.
Arch Nemesis: The Hometown Hero
Name: The Even Keel
Team: Winnipeg Blue Bombers
Power: Despite the dramatic highs and lows of a typical Blue Bomber season, the Even Keel has the ability to keep a level head about himself in any situation. When things look their bleakest, the Even Keel is able to bury his emotions deep inside himself, avoiding any long-term mental distress. In 2009, Even Keel took over for former Winnipeg hero Milt Stegall.
Arch Nemesis: Natural consistency
Those interested in the actual creations of the NHL-Stan Lee collaboration can visit guardianproject30.com for news and updates.