Things are people too — robot people!

Morgan Modjeski, staff/Illustrations by Kevin Doole

As the word gets older and the human race continues to live on this rock, we find that we are edging closer and closer to the end.

The end of the world will surely be a terrible end one that is handed out to us by cold, lifeless robotic figures that have been created by us.

The first reason why robots will be able to kick our ass is simple: while we humans are made out of a shitty and weak carbon-based matter, robots are made of grade-A stainless steal stuff that will easily pierce through our weak bodies like a hot knife through butter or and angry robot through human flesh.

Videos have recently surfaced on YouTube that contain images and video recordings of a chair that can disassemble and reassemble itself at will. In this chair, a small self-recognizable chip has been placed in each part of the chair. These microchips can recognize themselves and rebuild once in range of their other parts.

This fact scars the hell out of me, the fact that I can smash the crap out of an object that I would assume be done for and then WHAM!, through the window of my bedroom with plans to kill me and everyone I hold dear.

Now these strange self-healing robots so far have strictly been chairs but the possibilities to the technology is endless imagine a world where robots decide their fate rather than a person or a controller making the choice for them.

The scary part is that this technology is able to “self-heal,” meaning the robot will continue to search the area until all of its parts are found.

This means that even if a human were to destroy the chair, the chair itself will be hopping and rolling around after the Human Decider (person who decides the fate of the intimate object) has gone back to the idle stage, while the robot, which the human thought was destroyed, reassembles them and comes up behind them with the filleting knife.

This will surely be the end of the human race as we know it, these robots that we created will definitely be the end of us all. The truly sad part about it all is that we could have had the chance to stop being so damned dependent on these things. The things in this case being computers and robots.