Umlauts

The three most annoying trends in sports

Romer Bautista, Staff

1. Lazy nicknames
Professional athletes, for as long as I can remember, have used nicknames to set them apart from their peers. But in this day and age, athletes aren’t putting much thought and effort in the aliases they bestow upon themselves. Gone are the days of classic names such as “The Refrigerator” (William Perry) and “The Say Hey Kid” (Willie Mays). Now athletes are content with simply using shorthand versions of their real names, especially in the NBA.

The most popular of these nicknames is the first-initial-first-syllable style, which is used by the likes of “T-Mac” (Tracy McGrady), “J-Rich” (Jason Richardson), and “K-Mart” (Kenyon Martin). Another emerging trend is the initials-jersey number style, as used by “CB4” (Chris Bosh) and D12 (Dwight Howard).

And as bad as those nicknames are, they still are way more creative than those athletes who choose to simply go by their initials — “T.O.” (Terrell Owens) and “A.I.” (Alan Iverson) come to mind.

We have to put an end to this trend, before we start calling our favourite stars “K,” “S,” or “Z” (wait a minute, I think Zydrunas Ilgauskas has already taken this one).

2. Crime
One alarming trend that has sprung up in the last couple years is the intertwining of athletes and crime. It all started June 1994, when one Orenthal James Simpson was tried for the murder of his ex-wife and her friend. Since then, athletes have lined up in succession to take the throne of most infamous athlete-criminal.

Athletes in the NFL seem to be involved in the more serious criminal cases. In addition to O.J.’s murder case, there was Rae Carruth’s conviction of conspiring to murder his pregnant girlfriend, and the Ray Lewis’ murder charges, which were later dismissed. There was also a case that involved Michael Vick and some dogs that made a few headlines over this past summer. With Adam “Pacman” Jones making it rain for many more years to come, the NFL will likely hold the criminal crown for the foreseeable future.

Crime is just as abundant in the NBA, but the severities of the crimes NBA players are charged with are nowhere near the levels of the NFL. The most serious cases are usually domestic dispute calls, such as those that Jason Kidd and Ron Artest have been accused for.

The NHL has gotten into the mix as well. Mark Bell of the Toronto Maple Leafs will serve six months of jail time after the season after pleading no contest to drunk driving and hit-and-run charges over the summer.

Of course, if Barry Bonds ever serves jail time, he will undoubtedly take the cake as the most famous athlete to ever be incarcerated.

3. No more fun in sports
The powers that be are seemingly taking all the fun out of the sports that we once loved. They are doing it by putting in place rules that limit our favourite athletes’ ability to express themselves.

Instead of embracing creative celebrations, such as T.O.’s sharpie or pom-pom dances, the NFL has decided to penalize players who use props for their touchdown celebrations. Now we have to settle for T.O. doing the Soulja Boy dance after scoring. Yes, it’s entertaining, but we should be getting so much more. It’s no wonder why many consider the NFL to be the “No Fun League.”

The NBA, too, has been trying its best to suck the enjoyment out of its sport. Commissioner David Stern has forced its players to dress like tools, enforcing a rule that all players must wear a collared shirt when representing the NBA. Players are also not allowed to express emotion after critical plays during the game, for fear that they will get called by a technical foul. Last season, Tim Duncan was even called for a technical foul while laughing . . . on the bench!