Steak, anyone?

A vegetarian argues for digestive disinterest

Melissa Hiebert, Staff

The first and foremost reason that most people claim that they are vegetarians is typically based on an ethical “I don’t like killing things” rationale, which is the most nonsensical justification of all. Because let’s face it — vegetarians kill living things all the time. Mosquitoes, bacteria, carrots, microscopic organisms, the list is endless. One might argue that “those things don’t count” because they are too small, or too insignificant, or plant-like, but if the preservation of life is the thing which is valuable, drawing distinctions between varying life forms that deserve to be preserved and those that don’t seems arbitrary, and really — who are you to make that decision?

(But a PETA flyer featuring a tittering, about-to-be-swatted fly on the cover just doesn’t have the same appeal as the innocent wide eyes of a cute fluffy lamb, now does it?)

One might then move to the “factory farming is cruel to animals” argument when trying to defend their vegetarianism, but this argument is equally arbitrary. Yes, factory farming is a cruel (twisted even) industry, that sends still-conscious cows to the “hoofer” (a device that is exactly what it sounds like — a machine that rips off the hooves of cows to prepare them for butchering), but animal-produce farming is an equally cruel, and perhaps worse, fate. Egg farmers keep thousands of chickens in tiny pens, too small to move around in, and they remain there for the rest of their egg-producing lives. Cows often face a similar fate, with some spending their entire lives hooked up to a milker, and sometimes even injected with milk-producing hormones that causes a painful overproduction of milk, leading to swollen and painful utters. Perhaps livestock raised to become hamburgers will eventually be sent to the slaughter and suffer a few minutes of torture, but hens and dairy cows suffer through a lifetime of torture and slavery (and, when they are too old to produce anymore, eventually end up at the slaughter anyway). Unless you are a full-fledged vegan, then you can’t appeal to this argument (but if you are a vegan, refer to the above paragraph as to why you don’t make any sense either).

Another reason that people claim they have become a vegetarian is because of health reasons — that living on a diet of plants is much healthier than eating copious amounts of red meat four times a week. Of course vegetarians will be healthier than people who gorge themselves on McDonald’s every other day, but compared to the meat-eater who dines in moderation, the level of health is comparable, especially if the main source of meat in a diet is fish (which is rich in omega-3 and other anti-oxidants and essential nutrients).

In fact, many vegetarians run the risk of becoming anemic, or not getting enough B vitamins. Yes, there are plenty of healthy meat-alternative proteins, but typically many establishments geared towards a meat-eating majority offer few vegetarian options, and as a result a healthy diet is sometimes hard to come by. Many vegetarians enter the game with fairy-tale notions of scrumptious curry-based chickpea dishes and veggie casseroles for dinner every night, but eventually end up eating soggy leftover salad. And, let’s face it, unless you are an excellent vegetarian cook (which most people have neither the time nor the effort to be), tofu and most other soy-based alternatives taste like solidified puke.

So then we’re onto the environmental and humanitarian reasons for eating meat. For one, large meat companies often cut down areas of rainforest to make room for cattle grazing, as well as pressuring local farmers to raise cattle for consumption in the First World, instead of growing sustenance crops to feed their own communities. Also, the whole excess methane release caused by large concentrations of cattle flatulence causes a substantial addition to global warming. Well, I guess you do have a point there.

Wait a minute, is that a Starbucks latte in your hand? Are you smoking cigarettes? And, is that your car parked in the parking lot? Coffee and tobacco farming are just as guilty, if not more so, of eating up farmland that could be used for growing things like wheat, and just as many trees in South America are cleared to make room for coffee bean production as for cattle-rearing, and coffee production eats up just as many water resources. And, even your new hybrid contributes more to global warming than some farting cows. Besides, cattle only make up a small percentage of livestock raised for meat, and the farming of chickens causes little to no damage to the environment.

(Hey, and is that a leather belt you are wearing? Tsk.)

So that leaves very little rhyme or reason for becoming or remaining a vegetarian. Any reason that one might come up with is arbitrary at best, asinine at worst.

I guess I should mention at this point that I am a vegetarian (and an ex-vegan). Can’t blame a girl for trying, right? Lambs are cute.