What's the problem?
How to enjoy global warming
JACQUELINE HOGUE, STAFF
I keep hearing these buzz words “global” and “warming.” Well, I like the world and I’d definitely rather be warm than cold. So, what’s the problem? The way I see it, we are helping the Earth evolve and find balance when we use energy. Now, I have absolutely no scientific evidence to support this claim, but obviously see no need for empirical evidence as I’m an arts student. Science students, take note of my dazzling rhetorical illustration: I used to have to turn the heat on at the end of summer; now, due to global warming, I haven’t had to waste the Earth’s energy (or my money) by turning the heat on yet. And it’s October! So, in reality, by using energy, we are saving energy.
Now that we know we aren’t all going to die because of this global warming thing, let’s take a look at some of the other benefits of global warming:
1. Saving money. The warmer it is outside, the less we have to pay for hydro, as I’ve explained above. Also keeping our wallets full is the fact that we won’t have to buy as many clothes. After all, it’s so nice outside that there’s no need for cozy new fall garments; we can all stick — literally, if it gets hot enough — to our summer clothes.
2. Improving health while saving money. Those Fabutan radio commercials always tell me that they are “giving away free vitamin D.” Of course, you have to use the tanning beds to receive the vitamin. Well, did you know that the sun is also a great source of vitamin D? I mean, the sun’s UV rays trigger your body to produce this vitamin that can prevent the symptoms of multiple sclerosis . If it’s warm out, we will all be outside getting our free vitamin D without having to dole out the dough for fake-baking.
3. Improving health and social life. Have you found yourself outside more than usual this fall? With temperatures in the 20s, you’d be crazy not to. Global warming has increased the probability of people participating in outdoor activities, which are often physical and communal in nature. Instead of sitting alone on our butts inside, everyone will be outside meeting new people and playing pick-up games of soccer and Frisbee.
4. Looking good. Along with getting all the benefits of vitamin D, I predict that this year you also will stay looking better longer. Let’s face it, everyone looks better with a tan or sun-kissed glow.
5. Saving time. What with the beautiful weather we’re having, most people are not inclined to always walk through the campus tunnels, which are often round-about routes between buildings and classes. Instead, we can appreciate the warming of the Earth as it keeps us warm and comfy as we walk to our classes, as the crow flies, outside. We’ll even welcome the changing colours and foliage that is produced by fall — “the new summer.”
Take advantage of global warming and go outside!
Jacqueline Hogue is the Manitoban’s copy editor and still has her summer tan. Do you?
