Does it really matter?
No! None of this shit matters!
JESSE BEACH, VOLUNTEER STAFF
When did the universe begin? What is the purpose of life? Is there an afterlife? And, most importantly, why do we continue to ask ourselves these inane, meaningless questions? Over the course of millennia, the human race has survived and flourished, explored the vastness of the globe, tamed the wilderness, and created incredible works of art, literature, and technology. However, despite the incredible progress we have made, despite everything the human race has learned and developed over the centuries, we cannot escape the absurd theorizing over our origin and purpose.
The ancient Greeks prayed and sacrificed to Zeus and the Olympians; Christians, Jews, Muslims all pray to one God, though they quibble about the specifics; evolutionists claim that humans evolved over millions of years, throwing all religions down the crapper. These groups, along with countless others, claim to know the origins of the universe along with the human race’s part in that plan. The debate between conflicting religions, and more recently between evolution and creationism, has been subject to more debate and scrutiny than any other concept in human history. But fear not, after countless centuries of meaningless debate I, Jesse Beach, have come to put a stop to it. The crazy part of all of this is that the solution is so simple that I’m simply astounded that no one thought of it sooner. And what is the solution, you ask?
I will let you in on the secret: none of it matters. Honestly, does anyone really care about why were here or where we come from? We’re here now, aren’t we? The faster that everyone can realize that our energies are better invested in other matters, the better off the world will be.
Religion, in all its forms, will be tough to dissolve. The concept that there is more to life than what we see is hard-wired into the human brain; it will always be there. But the simple fact of the matter is that religion was created as a security blanket. Whatever the first religion, the first god or guiding spirit may have been, it was created simply to explain things that we could not explain at the time. There was a god of the sun to explain why it got dark at night, a god of death to explain why people sometimes left us — everything that occurred on the earth had to have a supernatural force controlling it, things were safer that way. It gave people a measure of control over their surroundings to believe that could pray for happiness and success.
Now, however, in an age of science and technology, it’s time for religion in all its forms to bow down gracefully into the night, before the long-winded pretentious sermons we are continually forced to endure become even more tiresome and tedious than they already are.
But it’s not just religion I find tiresome, it’s the debate about human origins in general. To their credit, evolutionists are just as long-winded and tedious in their beliefs as any preacher in any religion. I mean, the general populace knows evolution is pretty much proven and that you have collected evidence supporting it. Now could you please leave me alone and let me play with my Xbox? Quite honestly, the idea of humans evolving from a group of monkeys having butt-sex while throwing feces at each other is just as ridiculous as the thought of the world being created in seven days.
A tribute to how idiotic the human race can be about maintaining this useless debate is the existence of the religiously moderate. These are the people who were religious, but cannot refute the evidence supporting evolution; therefore, instead of acquiescing in the face of defeat, ending the long-standing debate, they create a new religion. They come up with some fantastic idea of “intelligent design” where evolution exists, but only by God’s design. This, my friends, is the craziest thing I have ever heard. It is a conscious effort, not to maintain faith, but to continue the debate of religion and evolutionism in what can only be a worldwide conspiracy aimed at ignoring the world’s problems.
If God proved His existence, would the planet really change that much? Would world hunger disappear? Would governments cease to attack each other? Would members of the “wrong” religions accept that their faith is not true and cease attempts to convert others? Of course not. Nor would the world change if evolutionists managed to convert every single person on the planet. To continue this debate would be ridiculous and without meaning or victory. If one religion happens to be true, it means the vast majority of the world is going to hell. If the theory of evolution happens to be true, it means that the human race and the universe are both without purpose or design, and we may as well not even exist. To consciously want the answers to these questions could be the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Nothing we could possibly learn is of any value to the human race, or to us as individuals. I do not need to hear I am going to hell, I would much rather go to school, get a job, and play with my Xbox.
Jesse Beach is a fourth-year English student at the University of Manitoba.
