A league of his own
Travis Henry’s ‘9x9’
PETER MATHEN
Occasionally in life we are witnesses to accomplishments that demonstrate the incredible limits of human capability. Often these events take place in the sports arena, showcasing incredible acts of perseverance, courage and brute strength. Whether it’s DiMaggio’s 56-game hit streak or Gretzky’s 2,857 career points, these accomplishments are products of incredible abilities meeting extraordinary situations.
Occasionally, however, these situations extend far beyond the limited scope of sports and into our everyday lives. These are the rarest of feats, which when realized leave the world shocked and taken aback. Such was the case three weeks ago when it was reported that Travis Henry, starting running back of the Denver Broncos of the NFL, had fathered nine illegitimate children with nine separate women.
Illegitimate children are no strangers to the sporting realm, even when they occur in numbers that have been uncommon to human society since the book of Genesis. Former NBA player Shawn Kemp had a career that will be remembered more for the seven children he fathered by six women than for anything he did on the court. But even Kemp’s septet pales in comparison to Henry’s baseball team of bastards. Kemp at least produced siblings; Henry somehow produced a litter of only children. One cannot devote any time or thought to the subject without finding themselves confronted with bombardment of questions, the first and foremost of which is: how does this even happen?
Is Henry simply the most potent man alive? Does he simply have the uncanny ability to pick up women whose life aspirations are to be a “baby’s mama?” What is this guy’s impregnation-to-attempt ratio? If you’ve already fathered even one illegitimate child, wouldn’t condoms be a high priority? Furthermore, if you were sleeping with this volume of partners wouldn’t condoms be a high priority, as in your number-1 priority? What are these kids’ names? Did he go with the George Foreman strategy of naming them all after himself? How are all these children dispersed? Is it nine kids in nine states? Is that more ridiculous than nine kids in one city? Could anything make this more ridiculous?
Henry’s “nine in nine” almost seems like a sick parody of professional athletes as well as a sick parody of deadbeat dads. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that it was recently ruled Henry must pay $3,000 per month in child support for at least one of his children and is required to set up a $250,000 trust to ensure payment (shockingly, Henry has a reputation of being irresponsible with his money). If this ruling sets a precedent for the rest of his children, Henry will have to pay $27,000 a month in child support and will be forced to set up a $2.25-million trust.
Even more incredible than the financial costs of child support are the temporal costs. The custody agreement states that Henry must spend at least two weekends with the child during the football season. Again, if multiplied for all the children, this is 18 weeks. Considering that the NFL season is a maximum 19 weeks long, this is an impressive incentive for Henry to attempt to extend the season as long as possible to accommodate all his children. Additionally, occupying all of Henry’s free time may also represent our best strategy for halting his incredible rate of reproduction.
I don’t want the attention I pay to this absurd occurrence to be misconstrued as praise or that this is a goal that one should try to replicate. However, even the staunchest pacifist must be stunned by the awesome power of a nuclear bomb, no matter how much they are opposed its destructiveness. The reason this situation is incredible to me is because I cannot fathom the conditions that would lead to such an event. Henry’s brood is the product of a perfect storm of opportunity, virility and sheer irresponsibility. We can only pray that something puts an end to Henry’s paternity streak soon, before he reaches his apparent goal of filling out an entire 54-man NFL roster.
