Time to hang up the mask, Mike!

Zombie sends moviegoers home with empty loot bags

WILLIAM O’DONNELL, VOLUNTEER STAFF

This was the last film that I was highly anticipating this summer. My anticipation was such because not only am I a major fan of John Carpenter’s original film, but a Rob Zombie (the musician) fan as well. Zombie cut his directing teeth through music videos, and has so far shown that he had much to learn about feature filmmaking with his first two films (House of 1000 Corpses and Devil’s Rejects). Zombie had a lot of baggage coming into this project vis a vis the nine movie history of the Halloween series, needing great leaps of improvement in his writing and directing skills to pull it off. Sadly, Zombie failed to deliver in all respects — an abominable tribute to the original as well as a stand-alone travesty.

Aside from some amusing cameos from various horror film alumni, the acting was abysmal on all fronts. Most every scene began with all of the characters bitching about one thing or another with unnatural dialogue and unconvincing performances. So much was needed for me to buy the back story of Michael Myers (the iconic killer), but it all seemed flat and mishandled. The pain of the Myers family was not believable, and neither was Michael’s flip-flopping between mild-mannered child and calculated serial killer, nor his supposed descent (or evolution) into becoming an evil juggernaut.

Returning to the cameos, they were strange and petite though quite abundant. A quick Imdb.com search might lead one to believe that the entire tire cast is made up of cameos. Was it really necessary to have the likes of Udo Kier walk on to say one and a half lines? Overall, there were too many examples of “Hey, I know that guy . . . ” moments during my viewing. All worth a chuckle: yes, but very distracting for horror geeks.

The teenage girls reminded me more of actual teenagers than the original cast, but at what cost? Everything they uttered, from a giggle to a scream, was annoying. I am not sure how to emphasise the word “annoying” properly except to tell you all that I had a visceral feeling of discomfort and anger whenever they were on screen.

These girls also played a major part in the abundance of nudity that was offered. Not to be topped by the ridiculously unnecessary pole-dance by Zombie’s real-life wife (Sheri Moon Zombie). Many things were superfluous in this film (whole characters, in fact) but the nudity was the most brash, as it did not seem to go away during the dragged out climax.

Zombie and his gaggle of amateur performers (save for the cameos) are not the only ones to blame. The entire team behind Halloween seemed to be off their game. The sound was far too shrill (even for a horror film) and the editor left in far too much. These are two major factors towards the success of any film, especially for a convincing horror piece. There just seemed to be a lack of discipline overall, with bad ideas running rampant.

Zombie enjoys placing personal touches and tributes to himself into his work. The mistake of repeatedly casting his own wife as a lead in his movies aside, one might spot such details as the Bela Lugosi film White Zombie, also the name of Zombie’s original band, playing in the background of some scenes. It only amounts to more points for the aforementioned horror-geek types.

Speaking of tributes, Zombie spoiled many scenes from the original movie by remaking and contorting them until they lost the precious atmosphere that once made them so classic. Anything that resembled the original (such as the famed ending that got badly aped here) would be difficult to watch for any fan. Sometimes Zombie would show some real potential, such as when young Michael kills his first human, but then would reek it up by following with more foul-mouthed and stale dialogue bits that went nowhere.

Had Zombie removed the Halloween references, he could have made a decent, original film. This iteration of Michael was hulking pro-wrestler who spent more time making mayhem behind a papier-mâché mask than being the original Michael whom I knew and anticipated. So much time was spent making mayhem that when the famous pale-face mask was finally donned by adult Michael, I was exhausted by what was already too long a film and I was too upset to appreciate the iconic-looking character on the screen that I was waiting for.

Zombie should have steered right clear of the original film, instead of ruining famous moments and turning the film into the big, boring monster that he did.