Regi-frus-tration

Parking pass edition

BEN POGGEMILLER

The following events are in real time on July, 19 2007.

2:20 p.m. My dad is calling me at work. Apparently he’s been trying for an hour and 20 minutes to even log in to get a parking pass. He even has one of his co-workers trying. I tell him I’m leaving work in ten minutes and I’ll try from home.

2:45 p.m. I get home from work and call my dad’s office. I tell him I’m ready to start. My mom tells me my girlfriend called and she’s also having major problems. I don’t have time for a shower and I smell terrible from working my maintenance job. I call my girlfriend and I can tell she’s ready to freak out.

2:50 p.m. I try logging in for the first time. I head to www.umanitoba.ca/parking as per the secret instructions given out, which consisted of coincidentally checking out the Parking Services website out of curiosity.

2:51 p.m. I’m being a good boy, and since I don’t want to offend anyone, I log in using the “recommended method” which involves my UMNetID and password. I get a message saying that “logging into JUMP using a UMNetID is currently disabled.” Thanks for recommending something that doesn’t work and you end up aborting anyway.

2:52 p.m. I can’t believe the Xpress Method — which is so damn fast they don’t even have time to type an “E” and spell it right — isn’t working. It’s so fast it can’t handle the server load.

2:53 p.m. I go back to the Parking Services website and try using the link for the alternate method. The link goes to the same damn place as the other one! I go back and look at the Parking Services site, which explains that I can log into JUMP using my UMNetID or my student number. Thanks for forking a road that ends up in the same place.

3:10 p.m. I’m still trying to log in but the connection keeps timing out.

3:21 p.m. Once in a while I can actually log into JUMP. Sometimes I get in and sometimes it tells me that there are technical difficulties. When I click on the link for the parking application it tells me that “The server is too busy,” or that “This request comes from an unknown session.”

I get three different results, all from trying the same thing within a few minutes.

3:24 p.m. On a whim I try logging in using my UMNetID and it works. I go to the “Resources” tab and then the “Parking 2007/08” link. Then I get a message saying that the server is too busy. JUMP is such a tease.

3:26 p.m. I think to myself, I’m so glad they switched from the old phone system. Students used to have to forsake their jobs to sit on the phone for three hours just to have a chance at getting a parking pass. Now they have to forsake their jobs to sit in front of a computer for three hours just to have a chance at getting a parking pass. It’s a huge relief to know that I don’t have to cradle the phone between my shoulder and my neck anymore.

3:28 p.m. I get into JUMP with my UMNetID. I click the “Parking 2007/08” link again and I get a message saying, “There was a fatal error in your application. Please contact the parking office to report this problem. Do NOT attempt your transaction again.

ORA-00020: maximum number of processes (%s) exceeded Debug Information:”

I can’t believe there was a fatal error! Sitting on the phone was bad, but nobody had to die over it. In my limited experience with computer science I’ve learned that the end user isn’t supposed to see anything relating to debugging. I make a note of it.

3:33 p.m. I try clicking the “Parking 2007/08” link again and I get a message saying that “this channel has experienced a general error.” It doesn’t get vaguer than that.

3:35 p.m. I consider the possibility that this article is going to suck, since I don’t have any time to think up anything witty or clever.

3:36 p.m. I go back to logging in with my student number, but I can’t even do that anymore. Now “the page cannot be displayed.” You better damn well display it soon or I’m going to lose it.

3:39 p.m. My girlfriend calls me and we’re venting back and forth. She says, “I guess I’m walking to school this year.”

3:44 p.m. I’m so thankful I don’t have to hang up and push redial over and over again. Now I have to hit refresh over and over again. What a relief.

3:46 p.m. This is how they do things in the “Bizarro” world. They make it difficult for you to give them your money, and yet you still very badly want to give them your money.

3:47 p.m. I log in using my student number and I get a message saying, “Customer Authentication failed. [L401]” It’s hilarious that every time I try to log in, I get a different error message.

3:50 p.m. My girlfriend calls me and gives me a very important piece of information. Apparently, when I try to log in using my UMNetID it says, at the end of the message which tells me that I can’t do it the quick, easy way, that “The Parking Application will not be available until Friday morning at 9:30.” We share a good laugh. I confirm this information.

4:11 p.m. Just for fun, I try logging in with my student number to find that they disabled the Parking Application link, which didn’t even work in the first place. Instead it says, “Due to circumstances beyond our control, the Parking Application is not available at this time.” Let me take a guess. The circumstances are that nobody knows that the hell they’re doing and never had “control” at all. I lose it WURIHQ IOEYHQIRF3 R2

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Ben has experienced a fatal error. Debug information():

Error Line 147: Stuck in infinite bureaucratic loop

Complete shutdown imminent.

Automatic override: CRUSH . . . KILL . . . DESTROY