UMLAUTS
Likë öther spörts öpinïons, büt with ä twist
ROMER BAUTISTA STAFF
Welcome to the debut of Umlauts. If you haven’t figured it out yet, umlauts are those two wild and wacky dots that appear above vowels in certain words. In this column, however, umlauts will simply represent my wild and wacky opinions on the latest in mainstream sports.
Disclaimer: my opinions are not guaranteed to be neither wild, nor wacky.
The Toronto Blue Jays: mired in mediocrity
Alex Rios’ appearance in the all-star game’s home run derby embodied the Blue Jays’ seasons of the past few years — a display of exciting skill, that eventually fell short of the ultimate goal (Rios hit a total of 19 home runs in the derby, top among all participants, but was defeated by Vladimir Guerrero of the L.A. Angels).
This season looks to be scripted in the same fashion. Despite a few memorable and historic moments, notable Dustin McGowan’s one-hit gem against Colorado, and Frank Thomas’ milestone 500th home run, the Jays find themselves on the outer edge of contenting for a playoff berth. It once again appears as though the Jays will miss the postseason for the 13th consecutive season.
There is plenty of blame to go around, that’s for sure, but the majority of the blame should be placed on the shoulders of general manager J.P. Riccardi. Ownership has increased payroll in the past two seasons, but there isn’t much to show for it. Riccardi’s attempts to bolster the team’s pitching staff have been, in a word, disappointing. B.J. Ryan (out for the year after Tommy John surgery), A.J. Burnett (out indefinitely with injury, his third trip to the disabled list since joining the Jays prior to the ’06 season), Tomo Ohka, John Thomson, and Victor Zambrano (all released from team after poor performances), have all not lived up to the money Riccardi threw at them.
There’s also Riccardi’s affection for slow base-runners. After one season lumbering around the base paths in Toronto, Bengie Molina can now be found at buffets across San Francisco. Thomas has taken his spot in the lineup as the “either it’s a home run, or he’s only getting to first” hitter. Then there’s the lead-footed Troy Glaus, who is not only running poorly, but is also becoming increasingly painful to watch play defense.
The Jays need a shakeup, and soon. Their franchise players (Rios, Vernon Wells, and Roy Halladay) are in their prime, yet Riccardi keeps surround them with crap. It’s time for Jays fans to admit that the Riccardi experiment, while bringing thrills from time to time, is a failure. We can’t have another Victor Zambrana incident.
The fall of Kobayashi; humanity is not too far away
Nothing says that humanity is on the decline more than Nathan’s annual Fourth of July hot dog-eating contest. At the same time, however, nothing could be more entertaining than seeing contestants stuff their faces with hot dogs for 12 minutes, especially when it culminates in one of the most historic eating-contest finishes in history, as it did this past year.
For six years, no one was even close to Takeru Kobayashi level. It was like watching Michael Jordan ball against a group of middle-schoolers. The annual event had become less a competition, and more of a showcase of this young Japanese man’s unbelievable ability to consume copious amounts of wieners and buns.
But this year, things were different. You could feel it in the hype prior to Independence Day. Joey Chestnut, the upstart American competitor and Kobayashi’s number-1 rival, had just set a new world record a month earlier — chowing down on 59.5 hot dogs while Kobayashi laid claim to having an injured jaw that he suffered while training.
With that, the stage was set for a battle of epic proportions, and these two men did not disappoint. In the end, Chestnut proved to be the new sheriff in the eating-contest world, downing 66 hot dogs and buns (HDB). Kobayashi’s injuries were just too much to overcome, as he could only eat 63 HDBs. It was edge-of-your-seat action down to the last minute. I don’t want to spoil the entertaining finish for those who haven’t seen the highlights yet (you can YouTube them), but I will say that Kobayashi pushed himself to his absolute limits. Just like Jordan would have.
How do you spell atrocious? WNBA
I’m aware that the WNBA is not a mainstream sport, but they don’t call these the dog days of summer for nothing. There is absolutely nothing terribly interesting going on in sports right now, and so, you get rants on the WNBA.
I don’t know what is harder to believe: that the WNBA is still around, or that it’s in its 10th season now.
For 10 years now, David Stern has been trying to force-feed the WNBA down NBA fans’ throats, with little to no success. Even this past month, when welcoming fans to the NBA draft, Stern made sure to let everyone know that New York was the home of not only the Knicks, but also the WNBA’s Liberty. Yet you’d still be hard-pressed to find a sports fan who could name five WNBA teams, much less five WNBA players.
It’s not like I’ve dismissed the league without giving it a try. I’ve sat down and attempted to watch a few WNBA games this season (how could I not, it’s constantly playing on Raptors TV), but every time I watch, the same thought keeps popping into my head — “Wow, this is some really bad basketball.”
