Ben P’s 2008 Top Baby Names
26 all-star unique names
Ben Poggemiller, Staff
Achtung — A name of Germanic origin that demands attention.
Bennett — A totally bitchin’ name, which means “hero of unequalled proportions.” It is also my name.
Cato — As in Cato Fong, stereotypical Chinese man who bumbles after Inspector Clouseau in approximately 37 Pink Panther movies.
Desiree — After St. Desiree, patron saint of whittling.
Engelbert — People may have been turned off of Engelbert by the unfortunately named crooner Engelbert Humperdinck, but I assure you, this name is timeless.
Faust — Some people may think that any child named Faust or Faustus is born under a bad sign, but it’s not like you’d actually make a pact with the devil, would you, sicko?
General Grievous — Aside from getting double points in Scattergories, General Grievous represents the synthesis of man and machine and he instills fear in the hearts of his enemies in the Star Wars universe (which may also be our universe).
Hilario — Means “cheerful” in Spanish.
Ingot — While this name may have been popular in the medieval age of forges and smithies, it has since declined in popularity. Who wouldn’t love a mass of metal that is convenient for re-forging?
Jokull — Means “glacier of ice” in Scandinavian.
Kal-el — Use this one if you like Superman’s true name, and use Kryptonite if you think Superman is a too-powerful do-gooder.
L- I hate the letter ‘L.’ It’s too perfect with it’s right angle and smug attitude. I refuse to come up with a name.
Malbien — This is a hybrid of the French words “mal” and “bien.” This hybrid demonstrates the duality of babies.
NAFTA — Well, it’s maybe not so popular in Canada.
O-Pee-Chee — Canadian manufacturer of trading cards and crappy gum.
Prosody — As an English student, I have to pay attention to versification; and I came across this name that just rolls off the tongue.
Quark — This has a dual-meaning. One being the miniscule physical particle, and the other being the morally-conflicted Ferengi on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
Rhombus — Perhaps the greatest shape since the dodecahedron, the rhombus is A= (D1 x D2) / 2 of joy.
Sran — After our benevolent, deified, do-no-wrong, soon-to-be-replaced president of UMSU.
Tartar - Anyone who likes breaded fish can attest to the invaluable nature of the sauce of the same name.
Uzbekistan — Land of a special brand of democracy called “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Dictatorship!” This nation’s main export is . . . well, I’m sure it’s something.
Voldemort — No explanation necessary.
Wiki — With the rise of any phenomenon, it’s only a matter of time before people start naming their children after it.
Xantham — After the handy high-density gum used in processed foods that has made all of our lives better.
Yojimbo — Japanese for “bodyguard” and the title of one of the best films ever made. Just don’t let Sergio Leone steal your kid’s name.
Zedd — Remember Lord Zedd from the original Power Rangers? He made Lord Y look like Lord X.
Just remember that these are baby names. You have to change them when they get older.
