Thou shalt not be modern
New sins for a secular world
Jessica Stewin, Volunteer Staff
Drug dealers, mad scientists and rich people everywhere: relax, you’re not going to hell! The seven deadly sins are still pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth, despite what you may have heard. Recently, the Vatican — the head honchos of Catholicism — put out a list of modern-day sins. Included on the list were environmental pollution, genetic manipulation, being excessively rich, inflicting poverty, drug trafficking and consumption, human experimentation, and violation of fundamental human rights. Although the media has run with the idea that these are the new indicators for one’s damnation, it has been clarified that these are more minor sins worth thinking about.
However, this does not stop me from pointing out that the Vatican’s attempt at modernizing Catholic teaching has most definitely backfired and has instead provided a good number of news publications with some light-hearted mockery of their religion. I, for one, cannot stop myself from joining in, for how can somebody not ponder these new sins, whether deadly or not?
The Vatican says these new sins are part of an effort to highlight the “decreasing sense of sin” in today’s world. I suppose that if not enough
sinners are coming to the confessional booth, just add a couple new sins and create a few more sinners. However, if rates are down at confession, wouldn’t it make sense then to pursue specific groups of people for your target market of the latest sins?
It would then appear that the 21st-century prime sinner is Hollywood — and what a perfect target for the Vatican to pick. Politicians use celebrities to get voters to the polls, why not get Catholics to confession with the same tactics? Now, I don’t expect to see Britney going to confession for causing poverty; after all, she really is the solution (see Kevin Federline’s $20,000 monthly allowance). However, what it could do is push some starlets out of rehab and into confession, making it just as happening a place for all them youngsters. Hollywood is clearly rampant with environmental pollution, what with all the personal jets, drug-taking (even if you were the good girl on Gilligan’s Island), and genetic modification (Michael Jackson, for example) — not to mention obscene amounts of wealth. The list seems to target these idols of modern society and not only damns them but creates the opportunity to use them as examples should they end up in a confession booth any time soon.
The list leaves me a bit uneasy, though. I mean, for all my friends in genetics, you got some penance to pay or it’s hell for you — and you thought your course work was bad. Genetic modification is most likely more directed at cloning, but there are minor things like making a glow-in-the-dark monkey that could really help humanity out.
The obscenely wealthy are also given something to think about: that their own social standing may be their downfall. However, it is a comfort to know that the beloved and often nearly worshiped Brangelina will have hell to pay at the end of days. Think about it: the two sexiest people hot and sweaty for all eternity . . . how bad could that really be?
It wasn’t much of a shock that driving a Hummer is a sin — anyone could have pointed that out. But does leaving my empty Tim’s cup on the bus count as environmental pollution? Perhaps I will head over to confession, just to be safe; well, that is, if I were Catholic.
Experimenting on humans is a little bit vague as well. I mean, I’m sure it’s meant for extreme scientific experiments, but what about that one time you got your younger brother to drink a cup of buttermilk and a bottle of mustard, could that count? It’s a bit of a psychological experiment to see if he will do it and, better still, a physical experiment when you see how long he holds it down.
Causing social injustice and poverty really cannot be debated a whole lot. When you don’t buy fair trade coffee, you could be doing a bit of both — thank God for Starbucks’ Estima (fair trade) blend. That leaves taking and dealing drugs, which really I cannot say I am all that surprised made the list, but it seems to be coming a little late.
Regardless of how trivial you feel the new sins are, it is good to see the Vatican attempting once again to modernize Catholic teachings. Unfortunately, just like the 10 commandments for the road that came out last year, an attempt to modernize turns out to be just another trivialized religion story for secular media.
