Dungeons and Dragons

Article Limited 3rd Revised Special Edition Part I - Director’s cut

Ben Poggemiller Staff/ Illustration by Ted Barker

This Sunday, I am going to play Dungeons & Dragons for the first time ever. This game will be fulfilling my supernatural promise to Gary Gygax, deceased co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons. Last week, I promised him that I would try the game at least once; I don’t want to take the chance that he might stop hacking and slashing giant spiders long enough to notice that I didn’t keep my promise and have him cast a hex on me. That would be bad mojo.

Oaths to the departed aside, I am excited to play Dungeons & Dragons because I am a nerd. I like being a nerd. Like any minority, nerds are misunderstood yet they are fully integrated into society. We’re not scary. We use the same washrooms as you do and drink from the same water fountains as you do. That word processor you’re using? A nerd may have designed it. Chances are that you’ll end up working for one in the future. There may even be a nerd next to you right now! You might even be a nerd yourself.

Here is a nerd litmus test to see if you are, in fact, a nerd like me (please note that if you know what litmus is, you need not even take the quiz).

Please read the following:

1. There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t.
2. Wesley Crusher.
3. Daikatana and Duke Nukem Forever.
4. What web browser do you use?
5. Who is better, Christopher Eccleston or David Tennant?
6. Name one major flaw with the DVD release of Return of the Jedi.

Here is the answer key. You don’t have to score perfectly to be a nerd. A matching response to only one will suffice.

Answer key:

1. If you get the joke, you are a nerd.
2. If you grimaced or laughed or spit on the ground, you are a nerd.
3. If you know why this is funny, you are a nerd.
4. If you said anything besides “Internet Explorer” or “I don’t know,” you are at least a half-nerd.
5. There is no correct response, but if you know why you are comparing the two, then you are a nerd.
6. You are definitely a nerd if you threw your hands in the air and yelled, “Why would they show young Anakin’s ghost at the end, damn it?”

Notice than none of the criteria for being a nerd involve the stereotypes of being unsociable or misanthropic. In fact, the truth is quite the opposite. Take Dungeons & Dragons, for instance. There is nothing antisocial about it. Getting together with friends on a regular basis to play a fantasy game is no less social than a poker game. It is no more escapist than seeing a movie and talking about it afterwards. It is actually more social than playing Halo 3 on Xbox Live.

We live in the world of the New Wave nerds. The New Wave nerds have friends, talk to girls (gasp!), and have varied interests. Video games are wildly popular among the console crowd, and all the PC purists have to say is, “Yes, we know how fun games are. That’s why we’ve been playing them for years.”

So, I am getting ready to strap on my rogue’s light armour and sneak by trapdoors and living skeletons. More importantly, I’m getting ready to meet some new and interesting people.

To be continued . . .