Beat on the Brat (with a baseball bat)
‘Satisfactory’ grades on the environment?
Dean Jensen, Volunteer Staff
It should come as no surprise to anyone that our federal government’s policies regarding environmental protection have proven “unsatisfactory” according to a recent report by Environment Commissioner Ron Thompson. (Seriously, are any of you surprised? I didn’t think so.) Among the issues investigated in Thompson’s report include the protection of species at risk and their habitats, control of invasive species (zebra mussels for example), and actions taken in response to environmental petitions.
The government’s “lack of commitment at senior levels, and often inadequate funding” were primary causes cited when the commission dealt an “unsatisfactory” card to nine of 14 areas under review. “Inadequate funding,” eh? Go figure. In September 2007, the Harper government decided to radically slash funding to Environment Canada, a move that was largely unreported (though not entirely) in the media. At the same time, National Wildlife Areas, a program designed to protect “species at risk and their habitats,” had its entire operating budget eliminated.
“Of particular concern,” the report reads, “is the poor performance by departments and agencies in conducting strategic environmental assessments when developing policy and program proposals.” This is important, as “these assessments are required when proposals that are submitted to Cabinet have an environmental impact.” With little or no environmental assessments being done, and those submitted of poor quality, the Harper government has been able to facilitate rapid development in areas of environmental concern, such as the tar sands in northern Alberta, which I’m sure has nicely filled many of Harper’s buddies’ coffers out in Calgary.
“Strategic environmental assessments,” the report concludes, “and sustainable development strategies are management tools put in place to get departments and agencies to do this. Unfortunately, both tools are broken; they need to be fixed.” Unsurprisingly, as the report states: “the lack of commitment at senior levels is a root cause of these problems.” Again, I am anything but surprised that the Harper government lacks serious commitment to our (and future generations’) environmental integrity.
What did surprise me, however, was that, out of 14 categories assessed, five areas actually received “satisfactory” ratings. These areas include assessing dangerous chemicals, managing pesticide safety, and identifying and cleaning up contaminated sites. Now, when I look at any university course syllabus, I find that “satisfactory” levels of academic progress result in a paltry C+ grade. If, hypothetically, your child returns from school with a report card showing five C+s amidst an otherwise uninterrupted slate of Fs, you’d probably ground the dumb bastard indefinitely, if not (and I’m not advocating this, mind you) beat on the brat until the mere sight of the letter F caused involuntary bladder release for years to come.
While (obviously) not an approved route in child-rearing, this route is the one we ought to pursue with our elected and publicly paid representatives in the federal government.
Indeed, “the tools are broken,” and the snot-nosed trouble-makers who broke them ought to be sought out and punished. When my younger brother, in kindergarten, was caught red-handed breaking all the class’ crayons and stuffing them down the drain, he was hauled out from the class and marched straight to the principal’s office. From there, he was banned from all such playtime activities for the rest of the year. Clearly, the Harper government is in need of some discipline (a good dose of the strap perhaps,) but that won’t stop them from trying, as always, to deflect the blame towards the sniveling class patsy: the Liberals.
Environment Minister John Baird accepted the report but took no time in pointing his dirty fingers at the previous Liberal government’s own “inaction” and pledging his own party’s “commitment” to “act” on these issues. Of course, he made no mention of how this would be done or when we the public will see any of the action. I won’t be holding my breath.
Canadians, through apathy, greed or pure backward provincial ignorance, have elected a minority government of mean-spirited, tantrum-throwing bullies who, clearly, lack the skills to associate in a civil manner with others. This government, collectively, represents the dumb-ass, snot-faced, sweat-pant-wearing-sour-milk-scented mean kid who threw sand in everyone else’s eyes: the kid nobody in their right mind would leave in charge (or alone) with anything, much less the class’ milk money. On top of that, these brutes can’t even scrape together a meagre passing grade on their report cards yet are still somehow given the run of the schoolyard, unchallenged.
I’ve said it before, and I have to say it again: fuck these people. Someone bigger, someone stronger (namely, the Canadian electorate or the majority of parliament members who claim to represent their best interests) needs to give them the stomping they so rightly deserve and send them, crying and snot-faced, back to whatever oily hollow they crawled out.
Dean Jensen is a model student.
