‘This even-handed justice
…commends th’ingredience of our poisoned chalice to our own lips.’
Ben Poggemiller, Staff
According to the Canadian Press, Winnipeg folk group the Wyrd Sisters is pursuing a $40-million suit against Warner Bros. In 2005, the little-known group attempted to block release of the film version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, since it would have featured a musical group called the Weird Sisters. While the movie was still released, all references to the Weird Sisters were removed from the film. Later, an Ontario Superior Court judge ordered Wyrd Sisters leader Kim Baryluk to pay $140,000 to cover Warner Bros. legal costs. She has yet to pay. Now Baryluk is calling for $40 million and the destruction of all DVDs, CDs, video games and any other items containing references to the Weird Sisters.
Whether Baryluk is hoping for some sort of expensive paraphernalia vaporizer or a good old-fashioned bonfire burning of these materials is unknown.
Baryluk’s statement of claim says the following: “The Wyrd Sisters have spent over 15 years working on and developing the goodwill associated with their band’s name . . . All of these efforts will be wiped out in the tidal wave of fame associated with the Harry Potter phenomenon.” A vaguer statement could not be found even in 1950s beat poetry. Besides, we all know that rule number one of goodwill is that goodwill can only be characterized as such if everyone knows about it and associates it with you.
Her statement also states that “consumers will assume the smaller and less famous Canadian band is trying to take advantage of the Harry Potter fame by copying the Harry Potter band’s name when in fact the reverse is true.” The reverse would mean that Harry Potter is trying to take advantage of the fame of a smaller and less famous Canadian band. It makes sense to me. Besides, suing a company for $40 million is in no way trying to take advantage of its fame. Keep in mind that this week’s Lotto 649 is $4 million. That means that being little-known can potentially win you the lottery 10 times over.
Here are some other lawsuits that make as much sense to me:
“Yes vs. my dad”
Prior to the formation of English prog-rock band Yes in 1968, my father at some point said “Yes.” One such example is on Oct 19, 1957, when my grandmother asked him if he wanted some more potatoes. Forty million dollars should be awarded to my father, and all records and videos by Yes should be destroyed for associating strange lyrics, odd time signatures and the synthesis of musical styles with my grandmother. The seminal album entitled Fragile would have to be spared, for destroying the ethereal keyboard playing of Rick Wakeman and rock-solid drumming of Bill Bruford would be a crime against humanity.
“The Wyrd Sisters vs. Terry Pratchett”
Wyrd Sisters is the name of a novel by Terry Pratchett, published 1988, prior to the 1990 formation of Baryluk’s band. Baryluk is required to pay Pratchett $40 million in damages to the reputation of the three witches in the book.
“The Cars vs. GM, Toyota, Honda, Hyundai and Kia”
This involves a class action by General Motors, Toyota, Honda, Hyundai and Kia against superstar hit-makers the Cars. Their statement would read something like this: “Today, the Cars receive far more airplay than our commercials. For every car commercial you hear on the radio, you hear roughly two to three songs by the Cars. People are getting confused as to which is better. Think of it this way; if you dream more than you are awake, you would think that your dream world is reality. People are starting to ‘Let the Good Times Roll’ rather than drive a quality automobile.” All radio stations would be required to stop playing the Cars (thankfully).
“The Wyrd Sisters vs. Zombie Shakespeare”
References to the “three weird sisters” in Macbeth are too obvious to discount. The Wyrd Sisters will pay Shakespeare the sum of $40 million and are responsible for putting his soul to rest. Zombie Shakespeare had this to say: “Consumers will assume the smaller and less famous playwright is trying to take advantage of the Wyrd Sisters’ fame by copying the band’s name when in fact the reverse is true.” Zombie Shakespeare then added, “Say, do you have any brains you’re not using?”
Of course we do, Zombie Shakespeare. Of course we do.
