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Send your raving, nutbar theories to culture@themanitoban.com or drop them off at 105 University Centre
Dear culture editor,
I would like to bring to light a topic of great concern that has failed to be mentioned in your section, or any other section, of the Manitoban. I am writing this letter to you specifically because it will shape culture for years to come. One of the great institutions of our society has come to an end and it has failed to be mentioned in the Manitoban. If you’ve been living under a rock for the last several weeks, you would not know that the marriage between Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson-Parker is no more, or more accurately, never was.
In the stirring Amazing Spider-Man #545, Peter and Mary Jane struck a deal with the vile Mephisto, who, in exchange for the loss of all memory of their marriage, would spare Aunt May’s life after she was shot by an assassin trying to eliminate Peter. It would be like their marriage never happened. The fact that they agreed to this horrifying deal is greatly troubling to me and my friends.
My friends and I had a roundtable discussion last night over this issue and we decided to write a letter expressing our concern. I, being the only one of our group to have completed his written requirement at the U of M, was selected to write the letter.
The deal is well below the intelligence level of a scientist like Peter Parker. We have come up with several persuasive points to demonstrate why this choice was a devastating mistake for Marvel, Joe Quesada, Dan Buckley, et al.
- Aunt May is old and probably won’t live that long anyway.
- Mary Jane is hot.
- Anytime someone strikes a deal with the devil or any devil-like figure, it usually ends up being a trick.
- Mary Jane, in addition to being hot, is the only pillar of stability in Peter Parker’s life.
In conclusion, we propose that Marvel should reveal that this ordeal was just a dream, or an alternate reality, or a dream in an alternate reality and that they apologize for making this dream and/or alternate reality so depressing.
Yours truly,
Jared Feldspar
Kyle Farhan
Stephen Kowalski
Andrew Allanchuk
Evan Johnson, either unwilling or unable to reply to this letter, has delegated the responsibility to Ben Poggemiller, culture reporter and nerd.
Jared, Kyle, Stephen and Andrew:
At first I felt the same way. I was crushed to find that Peter decided to choose Aunt May over Mary Jane but I have since come to “mellow out” on the issue.
I would like to address all of your concerns in order.
1. While Aunt May is old, this decision is not an easy one. From a pragmatic point of view, Peter and Mary Jane are still young and madly in love, while Aunt May is an old widow. Keep in mind that difficult decisions are always part of any good story, and Peter has never been allowed to have his cake and eat it too. However, this is the woman that raised Peter, and since Uncle Ben’s death was his fault, and her shooting was also his fault, his guilt overshadowed all other judgment. Also, once it struck midnight, he had only 12 “bongs” to make his final decision. That’s a lot of pressure.
2. Since the Amazing Spider-Man changes pencillers and inkers between story arcs, there is no one representation of what Mary Jane “should” look like. Besides, she is actually lines on a page and shouldn’t factor into a creative decision like that.
3. While Satan-like characters such as Mephisto often have disturbing stipulations and loopholes, it is the alluring nature of their offers that sway victims. Mephisto offers Peter only one of the things he wants. One basic principle for writing a serial is to find what your character wants and deprive them of it. That’s what keeps people coming back.
4. While Mary Jane’s devotion to Peter is touching and unwavering, all stability in Peter’s life has already gone. The final farewell of Peter and Mary Jane as husband and wife is the most stirring and shocking event since Peter revealed his identity to the world as Spider-Man as per the “Superhuman Registration Act.” The vision of the child they will never have is particularly engaging. Although Spider-Girl is set in an alternate, future universe, it is anyone’s guess as to how this will affect continuity. One could argue that the separation is actually adding stability, since his identity is still a secret in this altered reality. This creates a clever rebooting of the Spider-Man franchise, since Peter’s life is drastically different, hence the new story arc, “Brand New Day.”
Ben P.
