Bring it, Ottawa

Come to Winnipeg for “skating, Slurpees and slaughter!”

Jessica Stewin, Volunteer Staff

Winnipeg now has a new claim to fame: the world’s longest skating trail. Although not yet confirmed by Guinness World Record officials, plans are in place to get the ball rolling on this latest endeavour to bring tourists to Winnipeg — with what is sure to be a brutal attempt at marketing this giant skating rink.

A team of Winnipeg officials have taken measurements showing that the skating trail formed along the Assiniboine River and the Red Rivers is the world’s longest naturally frozen skating trail. The announcement came on Jan. 26 from the team, which included a lawyer, a landscape architect, and two civil technologists. The 8.54-kilometre path was checked by the crew using Google Earth, a surveying wheel, and a global positioning system (GPS) unit.

This announcement means Winnipeg will steal Ottawa’s title of skating capital, which Ottawa residents seem quite upset about. Janine Flood, a skater who was born in Winnipeg but moved when she was 18 months old, called Winnipeggers “sneaky jerks” for challenging the Rideau Canal’s Guinness World Records-sanctioned claim of being the world’s longest outdoor skating rink. Other Ottawa residents have chosen to focus on technicalities like width and historical prestige in an attempt to compensate for their stumpy trail.

The Rideau Canal would trump Winnipeg’s River trail in a battle of area. However, the fact remains that their 7.8 kilometres falls short of Winnipeg’s 8.54 kilometres of monotony, making us the longest trail and the Rideau Canal just a rather elongated skating rink.

But, as the saying goes, it’s not the size that matters but how you use it, and Winnipeg plans on milking this trail for all it’s worth.

Paul Jordan, manager of the Forks Market in Winnipeg, stated that once the city has the record it will “market the heck out of it” in a bid to attract more tourists. Sam Katz was searching for a way to attract tourists and had been focusing more on a water park, but it appears the -40 C weather has frozen this idea for the time being.

But as the saying goes, it’s not the size that matters but how you use it, and Winnipeg plans on milking this trail for all it’s worth.

The budget for Winnipeg’s trail is, of course, considerably smaller than that of the Rideau Canal, which receives a big government budget thanks to the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization and Parks Canada designations. Winnipeg’s river trail was initially cleared off by teams of eight university students armed with snow shovels, who took shifts in order to work for three weeks around the clock to clear a six-kilometre trail along the Red and Assiniboine Rivers. The trail, which runs through the city’s core, was then cleared off by plows, powered brushes, and ice-surfacing machines when the ice became thick enough. However, the rivalry between the two cities has spurred on efforts to clear more snow off the river ice, according to Dave Pancoe, trail manager of the Forks.

What we all can look forward to is the marketing plan that comes out for this endeavour, which I am sure will be given a slogan that’s as well received as Spirited Energy. Perhaps Winnipeg’s marketing team will try and portray all that Winnipeg has to offer through their campaign. And what does our fine city have to offer? Our spirited energy, skating trail, Slurpees, and excessive per capita rate of murder. I mean, we are both the Slurpee and murder capital of Canada. Marketers could of course spin this in a more positive light and slap a snappy tag line on it. How about: “Come to Winnipeg for skating, Slurpees, and slaughter!” That’s pretty catchy, don’t you think? Of course, it is more likely we will be plagued with images of dopey skaters gliding their way down 8.54 kilometres of monotony, and who wouldn’t want to skate that in -40 C weather? Anybody? Anyone at all?

Jessica Stewin is a University 1 student.