On Monday, Dec 4, Guns N’ Roses played the MTS Centre and it was my lot, as a reporter of integrity and as a bona-fide GNR admirer, to not only attend the concert, but also to review it in the short amount of time between said concert’s end and our paper’s production night deadline. I had something like 30 minutes to do this, so to save time, I did what I’m sure many “professional” reporters do: I wrote the article the night before and left several blanks, to be quickly and easily filled in after the concert. Genius!

The MTS Centre audience, consisting mainly of (adjective) drunken (pl. noun) half-wits , seemed (p/t verb) somewhat entertained by the (adjective) inventive and energetic performance of opening-act the Suicide Girls, whose traveling Burlesque Tour left me feeling both (adjective) horny and (adjective) sexually inadequate . Then it was time for Eagles of Death Metal, who were both (adjective) cancelled and (adjective) not applicable .

After a (adjective) passable but (adjective) loud set from (opening act) __Helmet , it was time for former Skid Row vocalist Sebastian Bach (little or no relation to the composer), who (p/t verb) amused me with his (noun) excessive profanity . After Bach’s (adjective) entertaining set, it was simply a matter of waiting until GNR took the stage.

Luckily, I had the foresight to bring along a copy of (author) Dr. Seuss ’s (book) If I Ran the Circus , which I read to pass the time. I enjoyed this (adjective) gentle and (adjective) whimsical book, and its themes of (noun) ambition and (noun pl.) circuses seemed (adverb) strangely (adjective) appropriate given the mood of (adjective) raucous (noun) impatience that was all around me.

During the wait, 1 fight(s) broke out in the stands and at least 3 people were arrested/ detained by the police. The incident(s) made me feel (adjective) emasculated .

Finally, after (span of time) only 40 minutes! the wait was over. Front-man Axl Rose, sporting (adjective) auburn (noun pl.) dreadlocks , (verb, past-tense) pranced about on the stage while the band broke into a (adjective) obligatory but (adjective) fucking awesome! version of “Welcome to the Jungle.” During the song, I couldn’t help but think about the classic days of GNR, before Slash and Izzy had been replaced by (GNR guitarists as of press time) Richard Fortus and Robin Finck and Bumblefoot and when good old Duff was still around on bass. This new host of musicians was (adjective) disappointing compared to the original lineup, but (adjective) professional overall.

The band’s (adjective) powerful rendition of (song title) “November Rain” was so (adjective) long that it almost made me forget about that song’s (adjective) incomprehensible video, in which (band member) Axl kills his (female loved one) wife with a (weapon) gun . (Song title) “Don’t Cry” was (adjective) disappointingly absent, and it too almost managed to make me forget about its (adjective) misogynist video, in which (band member) Slash kills his (female loved one) girlfriend with a (weapon) car .

New songs, such as (song title) ??? and (song title) ??? were (adjective) not that bad, but (adjective) forgettable when compared to classics like (song) “Sweet Child of Mine” and (song) “Patience” , which were both excellent .Axl’s voice was (adjective) pretty good throughout the night, and over all he was (adjective) surprisingly gracious and (adjective) friendly.

There was 1 surprise(s): beloved television personality Bubbles, from Trailer Park Boys, made an appearance and sung a song with Axl Rose and Sebastian Bach. This sort of friendly good-humour was quite unexpected from GNR’s front-man, who’s usually made out to be a real asshole.

Overall, the concert was (adjective) finished and I left feeling both (adjective) tired and (adjective) still a bit horny .