Font Size

Respond    Email    Print-Friendly 

Silent night, awkward night

BEN POGGEMILLER STAFF

There are plenty of awkward moments that come with being a “significant other.” Many of them are immortalized in the classic comedy Meet the Parents, but the holy grail of uncomfortable situations is the first family gathering with your significant other. It’s like running the gauntlet. The worst part of it is, your other half already knows everyone, the proper procedures, and generally feels comfortable about the whole thing.

The first time I went to my girlfriend’s house for a family gettogether, it was at her house, so I was lucky to get the home-base advantage. I was informed, however, that the two sides of her family would not be segregated, and they would all be coming on the same day. This was a complete overload for me, because we had been going out for less than a year at that point, and I had never met any of these people in my life. So here I was, about to meet them all at once.

Wardrobe was my first concern. I wanted to dress well enough that I wouldn’t look like a slob, but not so fancy that I looked pretentious. I settled on some slacks and a golf shirt. Good choice.

I went over to her house excessively early, to ensure that I was there first. I wanted to avoid walking into her house, seeing everyone already there sitting comfortably and making them send out a search party to find a chair for me to sit on, because there would certainly be one too few. I also wanted to meet each person individually as they came, so there was a chance that I might actually remember their name, and I could conduct myself in a courteous manner in the conversations that were sure to follow that evening.

I had prepared a list of answers to imminent questions I was sure to receive:

“Yes, we’re the same age. Yes we go to the same school.”

“No thanks, I’m full.”

“No I don’t need a job but thanks, anyways.”

“I actually just got hired at Red River Co-op.”

“No, seriously, I’m full.”

To get off on completely the wrong foot, my girlfriend forgot to introduce me to most of the people as they walked in, so the remaining options were for her mother to introduce me or for me to stand there like an idiot until somebody said something to me. After that, it was like I didn’t even exist. I carefully bided my time, waiting for someone to start talking to me. I found it hilarious that they didn’t. It was only when my girlfriend’s rambunctious family of relatives showed up that I got some real conversation. They’re the kind of people that like to embarrass others in good fun, and while it made me feel awkward, I preferred that to the silent treatment. My girlfriend’s baba and her husband also gave me some token conversation that I greatly appreciated. I felt that I conducted myself fairly well, and I’m sure I scored mega-bonus points for giving up my couch seat for her grandmother when it was time for gifts. When I got up, I backed up until I was practically out the doorway. Thus I wasn’t in the way of cameras, and out of everyone’s field of vision. I’m sure there’s no record of me even attending that evening.

Four years later, and I’m finally feeling comfortable. In fact, it’s the rambunctious family that I’m on the best terms with, and I love how they make me feel like family. It’s fun to watch them pick on my ladyfriend’s sister’s boyfriend and I feel reassured that they weren’t that hard on me. The other relatives still hardly talk to me, but at least I don’t care anymore. The key to surviving a significant other’s family holiday is to have a sense of humour about it, and see how ridiculous the whole situation really is. I can only imagine what it would be like if you don’t celebrate the holiday in question . . . .

Chrismukkah it's not

ALISHA PAUL STAFF

ILLUSTRATION TED BARKER

Christmas parties can be awkward enough at your boyfriend’s house. Relatives you’ve never met, party games — so imagine it when you’re not of the same faith. I am a Jewish girl dating a not-so Jewish boy. So when I get invited over for holiday events, there’s always that small part of me that wants to run and hide. But I’m a grown-up, and so lately I’ve been attempting to embrace my cultural side.

When you show up to a Christmas party, the first thing people see is your clothes. So you best dress smart. I’ve always felt that red is a good colour on me, and that it portrays an air of confidence. However, while I want to seem effortlessly at ease, I do not want to blend in with the Christmas-tree ornaments. So red is out.

Then come the introductions. Of course you will know some relatives better then others. This is your safety net. But keep in mind that along with a “Mom, have you met so-and-so?” comes a whispered “she’s Jewish.” I like to think it’s an attempt at making me comfortable. Of course it has the reverse effect, and I begin to wonder when the Mel Gibson questions will begin. Unavoidably, they start with the first course.

Of course, for my first Christmas dinner with the family, they’ve decided to try a little prefood family fun, and then the party games happened. There aren’t many things more degrading then having a small piece of paper with some person’s name taped to the back of your sweater for you to guess. Under this kind of pressure and because you don’t stick out just quite enough, you will obviously be the last to guess your person’s name right.

Damn that Ben Mulroney! Next is dinner. This is the part that most Jews are prepared for if they’ve ever been out to eat with any non-Jews. This is when we will talk about keeping kosher. However, in some houses that would be after we say grace, or pray or whichever you prefer to call it. At this point I’m never sure whether I’m supposed to bow my head or not. But seeing that most people close their eyes for this process (again, something I’m not sure if I’m supposed to do) you can really get away with pretty much anything at this juncture. Minus a Hebrew blessing I would think. I’m not sure what the rules are on mixing like that.

OK, so back to keeping kosher, which inevitably leads into other questions about being Jewish. Everything you do at the meal is put under the microscope and finishes with a “is that because your Jewish?” You are often asked to explain stories or moments in the Bible, or Torah as we like to call it. You are also asked to explain other Jewish holidays, and of course, they always want to hear about those eight crazy

But keep in mind that along with a “Mom, have you met so and so?” comes a whispered “she’s Jewish.” I like to think it’s an attempt at making me comfortable. Of course if has the reverse effect, and I begin to wonder when the Mel Gibson questions will begin.

The evening generally ends off with the gifts. This, for me anyway, is by far the worst part of the Christmas dinner. It is very stressful to buy gifts at Christmas time, especially for your beau’s parents. And never mind buying a gift, the receiving part is even more difficult. Getting a gift from someone you don’t know very well can be very uncomfortable. What if you don’t like it or it doesn’t fit? Trouble.

So remember: when attending functions this holiday season, keep your cool, try not to get loaded in front of the family, and for godsakes brush up on your general Judaic knowledge, because there will be a test at the end.