Marble, canvas, shears
The art of Rock, Paper, Scissors
BEN POGGEMILLER STAFF
Having mastered children’s choosing games such as eeny meeny (in the condensed, non-mother version, start with the other person) and picking a number between one and ten (it was six, wasn’t it?), I needed a new challenge. Now I’m taking on the ultimate mindgame: rock, paper scissors.
I’m proclaiming the successor of Texas Hold’em Poker in the sportsthat- aren’t-really-sports craze to be rock, paper, scissors. It involves much more than just three choices, each one defeating another one. You have to get inside your opponent’s head and know what they’re going to pick before even they do.
I came up with different strategies such as good opening moves, and what to do in a tie. For obvious reasons, I can’t reveal them here. I decided to test my abilities in University Centre. Here’s what happened:
I hadn’t thought about this until afterward, but it was understood between my opponents and I that we would reveal our choice simultaneously with scissors, pumping twice, instead of the also-accepted version of pumping three times and revealing after scissors. I guess it’s a regional thing.
Opponent 1:
Michael Boyd — University 1
I didn’t know what to expect from a U1
student. They’re a little bit of everything, and thus, hard to predict. Something
told me that he was bold enough to go for paper, which is risky. I opted for
scissors and it paid off. My record became 1-0.
Opponent 2:
Chris Lofto — University 1
I was riding high on my first victory
and Chris could see that. Having witnessed the first match, he had the advantage
of seeing my style of play. He was enigmatic, and I had absolutely no idea
what he would pick. Stupidly, I panicked and picked scissors again and this
time I paid the price. He came out with a crushing rock and reduced my standing
to 1-1.
Opponent 3:
Matea Radic — fine arts
I needed a win badly to restore my damaged
ego. I took a second to predict what she would pick. Being a fine arts student,
I wasn’t sure if she was going to pick the hammer, chisel and the illustrious
rock, the destructively utilitarian scissors, or the expression only conveyed
with paper. I banked on her choosing scissors and I smartly chose rock, which
proved to be the right choice. I was ready to call it quits with a record
of 2-1 but she asked if we were doing best of three. I hadn’t even considered
it, but when she mentioned it I couldn’t resist. We were in uncharted territory
and it was anyone’s game at this point. We both picked scissors and we came
to the most difficult crossroads in the game of rock, paper, scissors: the
tie. In the event of a tie, I usually like to pick what the preceding move
beats, hoping that they’ll pick what beats the preceding move, thinking that
I would try to pick the same thing. If that at all confused you, read it again.
For example: If we both pick scissors, they might think that I would pick
the same thing again and pick rock, thus I would pick paper to counter it.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. I came out with good old paper, but
she stuck with reliable scissors. In total I was 2-2 at this point. We both
mentally prepared for the tiebreaker. Once it came time for endgame, I had
drawn a mental blank. I had no idea what she would pick so I just let my hand
do whatever it wanted, which happened to be scissors again. She picked paper,
and I won! I got lucky, but every sport has an intangible element that allows
for upsets. Thus I walked away with a winning record.
There are many strategies for a game as complicated as rock, paper, scissors. Some people just fling their hand randomly into one of the three shapes, but subconsciously there must be a decision made. Others will predictably go with the same thing every time. In the words of Bart Simpson: “Good old rock. Nothin’ beats that.” The truly serious players, though, will tap into their consciousness and predict what their opponent will pick. You must be in control of your own hand-shaping destiny, otherwise you will suffer defeat. I’m going to practice until my record is astounding and win the world championship. Just don’t pick rock. I’m never ready for it.
