What would Jesus do . . .
. . . With a lifetime supply of KD?”
MELISSA HIEBERT STAFF
PHOTO: DAVID IAN LIPNOWSKI
“I was in class, and I got this call from a 416 area code, so I didn’t want to answer it because it’s mad long distance and would cost a fortune,” said Sommerfeld. However, the mysterious number called back a second time, and this time Connor answered.
On the line was someone congratulating Connor for winning a year’s supply of Kraft dinner.
“I was so pumped! I was on the bus, and I was talking to a friend, in mid-conversation when I got the call,” said Sommerfeld. He then repeated the entire hilarious story to his friend, and they laughed for the entire duration of the bus ride.
Sommerfeld definitely didn’t expect to win. He said he was just browsing a discount website called redflagdeals.com, and came across a contest that was only open to Canadian students. The contest required each participant to explain why their school was the best in 30 words or less. He figured the odds were pretty good, so he quickly threw together a short poem, clicked “enter,” and forgot about it.
He said the poem began “The Bisons are very good looking, especially when they are cooking,” but couldn’t even remember the rest.
Now, I think the biggest thing that you are all wondering, is what the hell would someone do with a year supply of Kraft Dinner? “I’m going to keep some, and I’m going to give the rest to Winnipeg Harvest,” said Sommerfeld. “I like Kraft Dinner, but there’s only so much KD you can take!”
That question got me thinking. What can one do with a year’s supply of Kraft Dinner? Think of all of the endless possibilities! You could make a bitchin’ fort out of all of the boxes, for one. Or, you could spend hours constructing the longest macaroni-string necklace ever. You could also pull out ten of those little cheese packets and combine them to make the most sickenly cheesy Kraft dinner known to man. And, naturally, you could make a huge vat of KD large enough to fill a swimming pool (or perhaps hold your own mud wrestling-style competition).
The best part of winning a completely insane and ridiculously random prize is the story rights that go along with it. “I repeated the story, like, 10 times throughout the school day,” said Sommerfeld. “It was the biggest accomplishment of my life, for sure!”
So, in the spirit of things, I chose to hold a contest of my own. What would you do with a lifetime supply of Kraft dinner? E-mail me (culture@themanitoban.com) with your wackiest responses, and the winner will get . . . an undisclosed prize. Well, perhaps not quite a year’s supply but, oh, you’d better believe there will be Kraft Dinner involved! Congratulations to Connor on his newfound wealth, and good luck!
The Manitoban: What would you do with a year’s supply of Kraft dinner?
Tracey, third-year environmental science: Give it to people who need it. Like to Manitoba Harvest or something. I don’t like Kraft Dinner.
The Manitoban: What would you do with a year’s supply of Kraft Dinner?
Terry, fourth-year fine arts: Throw it away. Actually, I would feed it to all of the animals in the pet shelter, and then they could be constipated for the rest of their lives. Kraft Dinner can burn in hell.
The Manitoban: What would you do with a year’s supply of Kraft Dinner?
Erin, fourth-year fine arts: Eat it, fuck. I would not buy groceries for the rest of my life.
