The lyrics of love

MELISSA HIEBERT STAFF

Lights dimmed: check. Bottle of wine: check. Nine-tailed leather whip: check. Now all you need is some soothing erotic music to set the mood. But with millions of downloadable songs right at your fi ngertips, how does one choose? Often, what gets one hot and bothered is based on personal preference, but here are a few songs that are sure to elicit the mood (and response) you’re looking for.

“Spark in the dark” — Alice Cooper

There’s nothing like some good old-fashioned hair metal to get you feeling like a rock star, with many willing groupies at your beck and call. The lyrics speak for themselves in this song (Come over here and kiss me/I want to pull your hair/Turn out the lights and hold me/I want to touch you everywhere) so you don’t have to even bother with the dirty talking — Alice has it covered. Just relax and fade away to a time when metal used to be sexy. Just try not to picture your grandpa in tight leather pants and makeup.

Mood: fast and wild

“Ball and Biscuit” — The White Stripes

Everyone who has heard this song has commented on just how dirty it sounds. The distorted bluesy guitar and deep, scratchy vocals make it deliciously raunchy. The song is so dirty that it even mentions “getting clean together.” It oozes of promiscuity (right now you could care less about me/but soon enough you will care by the time I’m done) and will leave you having long, drawn out, raunchy sex — plain and simple. The kind that you will have you begging for a shower afterwards.

Mood: down and dirty

“White Rabbit” — Janis Joplin

There’s no sexual innuendo present in this song, though nothing sets the mood of laid-back, carefree sex like music from the ’60s. Hippies were all about peace and love, and why not use the song to help “share the love?” The best part is that the song builds up and gets more intense as it nears the “climax.” You’ll make love to your partner like it’s the ’60s and you’re at Woodstock, whether or not you leave the acid out of the equation.

Mood: laid-back and relaxed (and trippy)

“The Bad Touch” — Bloodhound Gang

I suggest that you only throw on this song if your partner has a good sense of humour, or is stingy on the doggy and you are trying REALLY hard to hint at something. Th ough, once you get past the images of the Bloodhound Gang in monkey suits running around and humping everything, the idea of rough animal sex could make its way in. And then, you’ll be in the mood for some uninhibited wild sex. Bananas are optional.

Mood: hard and primal

“Heaven” — Bryan Adams

Of course, we couldn’t make a list of bedroom songs without throwing in at least one romantic, gushing song just in case your partner is the type who is still bawling over the part in Titanic where Jack and Rose say goodbye. At least this song is better than “My Heart Will Go On”; it’s hard to have sex when you feel like you are going to throw up. Th is song is sweet, because love is what sex is all about . . . (right?).

Mood: sweet and passionate

Well, hopefully those songs will have you panting in no time. But just in case those didn’t tickle your fancy, here are some of the Manitoban staff ’s picks.

Manitoban Staff Picks:

“‘Pledge of Allegiance’ by Louis XIV” — news reporter.

“William Tell Overture. I think it’s self-explanatory” — graphics editor.

“Obviously anything by Barry White . . . everything is much more sexy with Barry in the background. And things go in slow motion sometimes. Haha, kidding, of course” — news editor.

“’Heat of the Jungle’ from the album Heart Shaped World by Chris Isaak” — undisclosed reporter.

“The specifi cs matter less than that it’s with a band member directly after their concert. But other than that, ‘The Love Cats’ by the Cure: kinky” — copy editor. “If it were with a mature young woman, then it would be ‘Let’s get it on’ by Marvin Gaye (how original, I know).

If it were with the cheerleading team (Minneapolis Vikings-style), then it would be ‘Big Pimpin’,’ by Jay-Z. If it were at your high school grad, then it would be ‘Smells Like Teen Sprit by Nirvana.’ If it were by yourself, it would be ‘Dancing With Myself’ by Billy Idol. And, if you listen to crappy music like me, it would have to be ‘Your Body is a Wonderland’ by John Mayer or ‘Sex and Candy’ by Marcy Playground” — photo editor.