Internet slang you should never ever use
Unless you’re a total n00b
SHAWNA SWEENEY VOLUNTEER STAFF
0ne of the greatest transitions of the Internet age is the widespread introduction of textual communication. Instant messaging, chat rooms, and cellphones make it simple to drop a short text message to friends without all the hard physical labour involved in picking up a pen and paper.
Yet with this Internet revolution has come a terrifying army of clichéd acronyms and gross grammatical errors: shorthand phrases and clever numerical substitutions that are slowly gutting the sanctity of our language. So do your part to save the English language, and avoid these ten Internet atrocities at all costs.
TTFN (ta ta for now) — A good rule of thumb to remember when chatting on the Internet is that if you would not say it in real life, you should not type it in a chat window. “Ta ta for now” is reserved exclusively for aging socialites, Phyllis Diller, and the hopelessly dramatic.
LOL (laugh out loud) — While laughing out loud is a healthy response to a good joke, this poor acronym has been overplayed more than the latest Justin Timberlake single. Find a new way to indicate amusement before everyone laughs out loud at what a big loser you are.
A/S/L (age/sex/location) — It is not a good idea to rush right into a new Internet relationship with the somewhat bullying “A/S/L.” Good things come to those who wait. Don’t push it. Take it slow and try to make your fingers form the words, “How old are you and where do you live?”
L33T (elite) — In 1995, this term implied that you were some kind of awesome hackmaster, but in the year 2006 it means that you are actually an awe-inspiring loser. In short, if you claim to be l33t you are really the opposite: impossibly lame.
Y/U/C (why/you/see) — Never, ever, ever substitute single letters for entire words. It’s lazy and your middle school English teacher would be very embarrassed if she knew you were out in the world behaving like this.
B4/U2/L8R (before, you too, later) — Even worse than substituting single letters for entire words is replacing letters with numbers. It violates everything English stands for and launches it into a death struggle with its terrifying arch-nemesis: mathematics.
ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing) — In the same way that you should not type it if you would not say it out loud, you should also refrain if you would not do it in front of real friends. Can you really imagine yourself laughing so hard that you’re rolling around on some hard-ass floor? No way. You’re too good for that.
pr0n (porn) — You are not being coy or funny by mixing up the letters or inserting a number. Tell it like it is, son. Everyone knows pr0n just means naked chicks anyway. If it’s saved to your hard drive or backed up on DVD, at least have the courtesy to type the real word.
FUCT (failed under continuous testing) — You didn’t really have to listen when your Mommy told you never to use bad words. Cleverly employing homonyms in acronym does not make you any cooler than when you used to wet your pants in grade school.
WTF (what the . . . ) — This is actually Internet slang that you should use all the time. Whenever you hear about the latest hokey reality show or horrifying political scandal or toxic waste tragedy, feel free to stare straight up into the sky and scream “WTF!”
