An open letter: to Nigeria, with skepticism

An international student writes home

TOPE ORIOLA STAFF

Dear Uncle,
Sequel to my first letter, I have made some more observations that I think are worth sharing with you. I’m happy to note that the mood of the people changed with the weather. As the bleak whiteness of winter was replaced with the fine bloom of spring and the impeccable greenery and shine of summer, people became more affable.

Summer has just ended and I’m grateful that at least people will begin to put on some adequate clothing. What I witnessed during the summer was nothing short of a negligent display of vital human parts. I thought “nudity” belonged to the Stone Age. I pray winter sets in right away. It is my hope that Sanni Yerima, the governor of the northern Zamfara state, who introduced Shari’a law, will pay a visit here. There would be numerous people to flog as Shari’a stipulates for people not properly dressed.

Every facet of life is heavily taxed here. General sales and provincial taxes apply to everything imaginable. Items never cost the amount written on their tags. I wonder why there are price tags, anyway. It has been very difficult adjusting from a near zerotaxation background to such a heavily taxed existence. When I bought prepaid phone cards and paid taxes, I mumbled; when I was told to pay taxes on textbooks on campus, I grumbled; when I paid taxes on an item that cost less than one dollar, I reserved my comments, but how can one pay taxes even on the Holy Bible?

The new Conservative government was so appalled that a cabinet minister declared that Canadians paid too much as taxes. The result? The government reduced GST by — wait for it — one per cent! That remains my favourite joke of the year

I’m striving hard to maintain an endangered type of English — the Queen’s English — here. Queen Elizabeth might stage a peaceful demonstration to protest against a patois-sounding brand of English, wherein “pants” refers to trousers; “going for a smoke” implies smoking and “smokie” refers to hot dog and the rather irritating “eh” is added at the end of every sentence. I learned grammar is no longer being taught in Canadian high schools. It is no wonder then that the English language here appears to suffer from kwashiorkor caused by excessive use of slang, highly incorrect, context-specific expressions and colloquialisms. But you will be shocked to know that a lot of people actually think the language here is quintessential English! Even an English man would have an accent in Canada.

This is not the ideal society to be among the aged. You must remain young at all costs. On buses, you can’t but notice the desire of old people to chat with you and share their experiences. One gets the feeling that these old people live in isolation, since kids often leave home in their teens to start a life of their own. Some old people are literally condemned into old people’s homes. I cannot fathom why old people whose experiences and thoughts should be vital for younger people are relegated to oblivion and irrelevance. Of course, you know

how old age is highly valued all over Africa and is seen to be coterminous with wisdom.

A friend told me recently that young people start dating very early here, some at as early as 12 years! I keep wondering what 12-year-olds know about relationships. Why would parents welcome their child’s “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” into their home when both are mere kids? Such undue experimentation with things that belong exclusively to adults has contributed to huge numbers of young people in unholy trial marriage or live-in love. You bet they never last, because of the unpreparedness of both partners for the trappings of living together. Canadians typically have a high rate of marriage, which is wellbalanced by a phenomenal divorce rate. What is meant to last ought not be rushed.

There might be something our architects are missing out on. Very few bricks are used for building houses here. Most homes are made of wood and they actually last long. You might think of adopting that for your next project, but my fear is people might think you are either miserly or broke.

“Smile, you might be on video” is a polite way of telling you that you are under video surveillance. On highways and buses, in stores, public and even private buildings, there is comprehensive audio-visual coverage. We are all unwitting actors and actresses here. The real person in us is ever concealed, always beneath the façade of superficial smiles.

Some of the most popular places to work in Canada include Wal- Mart, Superstore, McDonald’s, Tim Hortons and sundry ultra-capitalist ventures: organizations that are not known to pay more than the minimum wage. I marvel at how people survive on $7.50 an hour in such a consumerist society. Wither the text book “high-income country?”

The feud between President Olusegun Obasanjo and the vicepresident, Atiku Abubakar, is generating heated debates within the Nigerian community here. Since they are determined to wash their dirty linen in public, I hope they both get impeached soon for non-performance and making billions of naira to develop wings while claiming to be fighting against corruption. For once, I agree with the government’s warped privatization program: we need to add the federal executive council to the items slated for sale if that would guarantee the desired results.

Let me congratulate you and all Nigerians for scuttling the unconstitutional quest to give the president a third term. Events of the last few weeks have, however, shown that it is not yet eureka.

Please, remember to take the differential fee into consideration when sending this term’s allowance. Being an international student here means paying more than double what others pay even while a number of us are supposed to be from poor, developing countries. Regards to all.

With love from friendly Manitoba,

Tope Oriola.

Tope Oriola is comment editor of the Manitoban.