Peculiar pastimes
10 ways to keep your inner eccentric satisfied
SHAWNA SWEENEY
Since the earliest invention of leisure time human beings have found strange and unusual ways to fill it. These days, each new week is spent flying from fad to fad and enjoying the latest in unpronounceable martial arts, gourmet foodstuffs, and pretentious foreign films.
But there are some people that don’t buy into the glitz and glamour of this week’s big deal. Some people know what they like and stick to it. Some people have hobbies so bizarre that they require a lifetime of obsessive dedication. Here are 10 odd hobbies that will make you question the survival of the species.
1) Dumpster diving: Sometimes viewed as the far edge of frugal, dumpster diving can yield artifacts that both defy reason and improve quality of life. It can also yield a lot of frustration and foul odours, but it is true what they say about one person’s trash being another person’s treasure. Now if only there was a map to that dumpster full of gold doubloons . . . .
2) Wig-making: Requiring a nimble touch and keen hand-eye co-ordination, wig-making kicks hobbyist excitement up a notch. Feeling the gentle slip of faux fibre between your fingers, the intoxicating smoothness of finished products, and the glow of appreciation from previously bald friends are all benefits of wig-making. It is seriously unnerving to visit someone and see all kinds of fake human hair lying around, though.
3) Weasel-breeding: Since weasels are kind of smelly and ill-tempered creatures, it is unclear why someone would raise them for fun unless they were going to make phat cash. Unfortunately, the real money is in llamas.
4) Spontaneous combustion: The suspiciously uneventful life of a spontaneous combustion specialist involves a lot of sitting around in comfortable chairs and waiting to catch fire. Rarely, however, does this actually happen. Which places it so far from spontaneous that it crosses over into predictable.
5) Extreme ironing: Extreme ironing involves travelling to deathdefying locations like rock faces or mountaintops, and then casually ironing a few articles of clothing. You lump the ironing board and iron in with you and then pull it out when you’re ready. There must be incredible satisfaction in getting collars that sharp near the top of the world.
6) Lawnmower racing: Souped-up engines, stripped-down bodies, and raised blades are just a few of the thrills involved in taking lawn care to the next level. In addition to hours of fun down at the track, tricked-out lawnmowers make it possible to mow your lawn in just 6.2 seconds. Now that’s efficiency!
7) Paper airplane engineering: The golden ratio of paper airplane flight can mutate into a wretched, gripping madness. Detailed schematics, carefully crafted flight plans, and precision tools are the just the start. Rainy days are nearly unbearable and sunny days are all spent testing your latest smartly creased beauty. Now if only the papercuts would fade.
8) Sock collecting: Often fuelled by tragic childhoods filled with poor fashion choices and mismatched footwear, these feet-focused aficionados search far and wide for the boldest, brightest, and most bizarre sock styles imaginable. As a result, their feet are always warm and their wallets are always empty.
9) Turtle watching: For those baffled and overwhelmed by the fast-paced world of bird watching, turtle watching offers a viable lowkey alternative. You can spend hours staring at the sand and underbrush cheering these little guys on as they chug toward the future. It’s kind of like golf for the animal kingdom.
10) World domination: Absolute power enthusiasts will be disappointed to learn that world domination can only be achieved by a select few who have the cash flow, public relations prowess, and chutzpah to go the distance and crush the souls of opposing infidels. It’s not only unhealthy, but wholly unrealistic as a lifestyle choice.
