Bombers, Beers And Broken Legs

Big talk about the Big Blue

DAN BOCKSTAEL

It’s that time of year again, a time to cheer with joy, a time to curse in disgust and a time to revel in drunken debauchery at CanadInns Stadium. Friday, June 16 will have marked the official opening of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers 2006 season, with the home-opener to follow on June 23.

In honour of this momentous return to the field, a gathering of friends was called to reflect on what the upcoming season may hold. Attendees included mostly-uninformed amateur critic Corey Leslie, female representative and fountain of insight Stephanie Adolphe, highly-informed diehard Blue believer Marcus Landry, and myself as partially-informed moderator and commentator.

Participants at the aforementioned meeting delved deep into several pressing issues and several pitchers of Labatt Blue Pilsener (as tribute to its namesake pending authentication of claims made by Labatt television commercials). The results are presented in transcript form below, and hope to shed some (if any) light on the mystery that is the 2006 season.

What was your take on the Blue Bombers preseason?

CL: Not that bad.

DB: Be honest, you have no idea. I was at that game with you and you watched six plays, maximum.

CL: The jumbo draft wasn’t bad, neither were the ladies.

DB: Let’s just say play was a little hazy. I wonder if Cabbie on the Street had a good time, or if he thought it was funny when I pretended to give him a nut-punch. I’m still hoping to see that on The Score. Who’s his man D?

How do you feel about the cutting of Onterrio Smith?

ML: That was the worst cut ever made. I guarantee that will come back to bite us in the ass. They say he’s out of shape, but how long does that last? I mean they only gave him two carries.

SA: I don’t even know what that is . . . should I know, though? Now I feel like an idiot . . . stop laughing.

DB: “Whizzinator” Smith just didn’t fit into the plans (The Original Whizzinator is a rubber phallus used to cheat on urine tests with which Smith was caught while attempting to board a plane last year). Besides, Henri Childs looked pretty good out there.

ML: I think Childs is already injured.

Will Kevin Glenn be able to take it to the next level?

ML: I’m comfortable with Glenn. He’s our best bet right now. He has experience and a good arm. He might just need a little bit of time.

DB: I didn’t like him last year and my opinion has not changed. I give him three weeks before our first quarter-back controversy. By the end of the season, I’m pretty sure he’ll be on the phone with Khari Jones asking if he can get hooked with a sideline reporter job at the CBC, too. On a side note, what was the CBC thinking? We already have to deal with “Schultzy” and Dunnigan, and now they throw in Khari “Gosh Golly” Jones? They should have taken the cue from ESPN and found themselves their own Michele Tafoya.

What are your predictions for the regular season?

ML: I think they’ll go 7-11 or 11-7 and make the playoffs. I also predict that Charles Roberts will break his leg in week three and thus make everyone regret that they cut Smith.

SA: I’ll just go with what he said.

CL: The Big Blue will finish 8-10. Kevin Glenn will get a viral infection in his eyeball and shank his throws even more than usual.

DB: Wow, you guys are real positive types. I guess I’ll have to be the one to go out on a limb. While our boys may just limp into the playoffs — 10- 8 will probably be enough — they will peak in the postseason and fight their way to a Grey Cup showdown in front of the hometown Winnipeg crowd. If they don’t, I’ve got a Grey Cup for sale, any takers?

* Note: Actual conversation may have been altered to make participants appear comprehensible and slightly entertaining.