Bison Briefs

Billy ends Bisons season

MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS STAFF

Things were going just fine and dandy for the Manitoba Bisons men’s basketball team when the team mascot, Billy the Bison, and Garry Sran decided to take matters into their own hands.

Up 100-35 over the Alberta Golden Bears with 15 seconds remaining, victory looked imminent for the Bisons. However, during a timeout, a semi-intoxicated Garry Sran dashed on to the court and proceed to pants the beloved mascot.

The Bisons were consequently charged with gratuitous indecency and were obligated to forfeit the game. Oh, by the way, this was the championship game. Needless to say, Billy and Sran are the reason the Bisons will not don a championship banner this year.

“Why would they do that?!” cried Bisons fan Dennis Quaid. “I had 1500 bones riding on this game!”

Sran’s acts alone were not enough to constitute the Bisons’ forfeiture. However, after losing his drawers to Sran’s wrath, Billy proceeded to do the windmill with his phallus for three and a half minutes.

As a consequence, Bison sports will be cancelled indefinitely until Sran’s and Billy’s motives can be deciphered.

“What am I going to do now?” asked one Bison athlete. “Without sports at the U of M, I’m gonna be shipped back to Iraq! Oh, the humanity!”

Commented Billy, “Uh oh, spaghetti-o!”