Mascot mysteriously beaten prior to game

Mascot community sent into frenzy

ROGER SAMPSON STAFF

The RCMP are investigating viscous attack that occurred prior to a CHL hockey game on Sunday night in Sault Ste. Marie, Ont. that left one mascot in a coma.

Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle, the mascot of the Saginaw Spirits, was found unconscious in a pool of blood inside the Saginaw locker room just prior to the puck drop of the game 6 between Saginaw and the Sault Ste. Marie Greyhounds playoff series.

Colbeagle was transported to Sault Ste. Marie Hospital, where he underwent emergency facial reconstruction surgery. He is currently listed in serious condition.

No one witnessed the attack, but investigators have concluded that Colbeagle was bitten as part of the beating.

“Our first reports show that Colbeagle was gnawed on, likely by some wild animal of sorts. There were teeth marks all over his body,” said officer Don Kare. “We are currently investigating what kind of animal is capable of such an attack.”

As of today, no one is in custody, and no suspects have been named.

Despite the lack of suspects, one television personality is not holding back any punches.

“It was that fucking Raptor! That no good sonofabitch,” said Stephen Colbert through sad whimpers Monday afternoon.

The Raptor that Colbert is accusing is the mascot of the NBA’s Toronto Raptors.

Colbert, the host of Comedy Central’s hit talk show The Colbert Report, has become a big fan of the Spirit, especially after their mascot was named after him. He reports on the team’s successes constantly on his show.

Colbert believes that The Raptor attacked Colbeagle in retaliation, after the Toronto Raptors were put on Colbert’s “Dead To Me” list at the end of April.

“Raptor was always on the phone with my producers, bragging about a surprise he was planning for us. He could not handle the fact that his team was no longer in existence to myself and other members of the [Colbert nation].”

Raptor vehemently denies Colbert’s accusations, saying that it was impossible for him to attack Colbeagle because at the time of the beating, Raptor was busy entertaining his fans in Toronto. The Toronto Raptors played host to the Charlotte Bobcats on Sunday night.

“Grrrr. Roarrrrrrr. Grrrroar. Brahhhhh,” said the Raptor over the phone.

Raptor also suggested that it might have been Colbeagle’s own clumsiness that caused his injuries.

“Brakkkkk. Grrrr. Ahhhhhh. Rrrrrr.”

The animosity between the two mascots extends past Colbert’s talk show. It goes back to the end of last year, when Raptor was voted the top sports mascot, ahead of Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle, in an internet web poll on www.gameops.com.

When the two crossed paths at the awards banquet, a fight broke out between their entourages’ backstage. The fight spilled out onto the stage in front of the audience, and the help of local police was needed to separate the two groups.

While several arrests were made, neither mascot was charged for the incident.

Police are looking into whether or not the two incidents are related.

“Right now, all mascots could be a suspect, and since the mascot community is so large, this process might take awhile,” said Kare.

Another mascot being suspected is General Shooter of the Oshawa Generals.

Shooter and Colbeagle were once close friends, but their relationship has been on the rocks ever since the Spirit defeated the Generals, causing Oshawa to make March 20, 2007 Stephen Colbert Day.

Grainy amateur footage shows Shooter attacking Colbeagle during a Spirit practice last week. Colbeagle was able to fight off Shooter with help from some of the Spirit’s players’.

Shooter was not available for comment, but Generals owner Ned Rafferty is standing behind his mascot.

“We’ve seen nothing but good in General Shooter’s words and actions. We refuse to believe that he played any part in this attack,” said Rafferty