Birth control is 90% mental — condoms are just a placebo effect

SHARON COLEMAN

Many people believe that the use of condoms is an effective method to prevent unwanted pregnancies. However, recent studies have shown that condoms are merely just a clever ploy created by the people at Durex in order to sell people more things that they don’t need.

Condoms alone do not prevent unwanted pregnancies. How they work, is that we only think that they do, because of clever advertising techniques. In actuality, pregnancy is mind over matter. If a woman thinks that she will get pregnant, then there is a good chance that she will. However, if she wholeheartedly believes that she will not get pregnant, then the chances of this happening are slim to none.

“This principle of ‘mind over matter’ has been working as a birth control method for years,” said Dr. Simon Bohn, a walk-in doctor in the city. “It was only with the creation of these alleged birth control methods that people started to get worried about them failing, therefore increasing their chances of getting pregnant. What else could be to blame for the population exploding?”

This story seems to check out. Out of 2 people polled, only one person who had unprotected sex became pregnant. When questioned, the pregnant woman had mentioned that having unprotected sex had been a concern of hers, and that she was worried about an unexpected pregnancy. The woman who did not get pregnant, however, merely looked at me with a dumb stare, and told me that it really hadn’t crossed her mind. Coincidence? I think not. The statistics speak for themselves.

So next time you are scrounging around in the dark looking for a “ribbed for her pleasure,” just forget about it. Take a deep breath, and repeat over and over again a few times, “I will not get pregnant.” The rest will take care of itself. Remember — birth control is 90% mental. It’s all mind over matter.

*note: condoms are not placebos. If you believed even for a second that they were, you are living proof why stupid people shouldn’t reproduce.





Volume 94 Issue 27	The Official University of Manitoba Students' Newspaper Website	April 04, 2007

Home About Us Advertise Contact Staff Current Issue PDF Employment Letters to the Editor Meet the Staff Online Archives Personals Volunteer	Font Size Respond Email Print-Friendly Birth control is 90% mental — condoms are just a placebo effect SHARON COLEMAN Many people believe that the use of condoms is an effective method to prevent unwanted pregnancies. However, recent studies have shown that condoms are merely just a clever ploy created by the people at Durex in order to sell people more things that they don’t need. Condoms alone do not prevent unwanted pregnancies. How they work, is that we only think that they do, because of clever advertising techniques. In actuality, pregnancy is mind over matter. If a woman thinks that she will get pregnant, then there is a good chance that she will. However, if she wholeheartedly believes that she will not get pregnant, then the chances of this happening are slim to none. “This principle of ‘mind over matter’ has been working as a birth control method for years,” said Dr. Simon Bohn, a walk-in doctor in the city. “It was only with the creation of these alleged birth control methods that people started to get worried about them failing, therefore increasing their chances of getting pregnant. What else could be to blame for the population exploding?” This story seems to check out. Out of 2 people polled, only one person who had unprotected sex became pregnant. When questioned, the pregnant woman had mentioned that having unprotected sex had been a concern of hers, and that she was worried about an unexpected pregnancy. The woman who did not get pregnant, however, merely looked at me with a dumb stare, and told me that it really hadn’t crossed her mind. Coincidence? I think not. The statistics speak for themselves. So next time you are scrounging around in the dark looking for a “ribbed for her pleasure,” just forget about it. Take a deep breath, and repeat over and over again a few times, “I will not get pregnant.” The rest will take care of itself. Remember — birth control is 90% mental. It’s all mind over matter. *note: condoms are not placebos. If you believed even for a second that they were, you are living proof why stupid people shouldn’t reproduce.


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