The Manitoban Online

I would like to take this opportunity to resign from my position as Führer-in-Chief of the Manitoban. It has come to my attention that my actions have unduly harmed and caused distress to the student community at the University of Manitoba. Letters to the editor calling for me to leave the paper coupled with angry rebukes from visitors to my office, as well as accusations that I am “pretentious” and “anti-student” have forced me to realize that if I were to continue as Chief of the paper students would never recover.

I now understand that in a free and democratic society the actions of our leaders cannot be called into question and that in order for the student movement to move forward the Student Union must appear unblemished and its record must be communicated as so.

Specifically an editorial that appeared during the UMSU elections is one that I am incredibly embarrassed about.

YES, my proclamation that all puppies are cute was unfounded and of malicious intent. During the election the winning slate ran an

Fidel: Proof that not all puppies are cute.

“Ugly Puppies Awareness Campaign.” My argument that the Ugly Puppies Awareness Campaign was a crass attempt to win votes by playing on the liberal sympathies of the student electorate had absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever. In reality, my argument was part of a broader agenda of mine. A vendetta if you will.

You see the UMSU candidates in question had approached me about featuring my new Chihuahua in their ugly puppy campaign. I was so offended because to me Buttons, as I have named him, is the cutest thing to have ever graced the earth or at the very least my parents basement, where I live. It was my insult at the insinuation that Buttons is ugly that spawned my callous assault on our student leaders. I realize now that not everyone feels the way about Buttons as I do.

To confirm the existence of ugly puppies UMSU president Garry Sran admitted that his pet puppy, which he has heroically named Fidel is not cutew. Fidel is indeed incredibly ugly. Grotesque even. And so I realized that if Sran was willing to acknowledge that his puppy was ugly then I must concede that not all puppies are cute, and further acknowledge that my attack on UMSU’s Ugly Puppies Awareness Campaign should have never been published.

As retribution for my malfeasance I have agreed to serve as UMSU director of programming. While I will receive no wage, the rectification of this injustice is satisfaction enough. As programming director I will bring awareness to other ugly pets such as the platypus, anteaters, three-legged cats including those that look like Hitler, hairless rats, and two-headed snakes. Hopefully my actions will set an example for my successor at the Manitoban and ensure that Sran’s puppy Fidel is visually offensive.

Viva La UMSU.





Volume 94 Issue 27	The Official University of Manitoba Students' Newspaper Website	April 04, 2007

Home About Us Advertise Contact Staff Current Issue PDF Employment Letters to the Editor Meet the Staff Online Archives Personals Volunteer	Font Size Respond Email Print-Friendly Chief editor resigns in shame SIR-BITCHES-A-LOT FÜHRER-IN-CHIEF I still think Buttons is cute. I would like to take this opportunity to resign from my position as Führer-in-Chief of the Manitoban. It has come to my attention that my actions have unduly harmed and caused distress to the student community at the University of Manitoba. Letters to the editor calling for me to leave the paper coupled with angry rebukes from visitors to my office, as well as accusations that I am “pretentious” and “anti-student” have forced me to realize that if I were to continue as Chief of the paper students would never recover. I now understand that in a free and democratic society the actions of our leaders cannot be called into question and that in order for the student movement to move forward the Student Union must appear unblemished and its record must be communicated as so. Specifically an editorial that appeared during the UMSU elections is one that I am incredibly embarrassed about. YES, my proclamation that all puppies are cute was unfounded and of malicious intent. During the election the winning slate ran an Fidel: Proof that not all puppies are cute. “Ugly Puppies Awareness Campaign.” My argument that the Ugly Puppies Awareness Campaign was a crass attempt to win votes by playing on the liberal sympathies of the student electorate had absolutely no basis in fact whatsoever. In reality, my argument was part of a broader agenda of mine. A vendetta if you will. You see the UMSU candidates in question had approached me about featuring my new Chihuahua in their ugly puppy campaign. I was so offended because to me Buttons, as I have named him, is the cutest thing to have ever graced the earth or at the very least my parents basement, where I live. It was my insult at the insinuation that Buttons is ugly that spawned my callous assault on our student leaders. I realize now that not everyone feels the way about Buttons as I do. To confirm the existence of ugly puppies UMSU president Garry Sran admitted that his pet puppy, which he has heroically named Fidel is not cutew. Fidel is indeed incredibly ugly. Grotesque even. And so I realized that if Sran was willing to acknowledge that his puppy was ugly then I must concede that not all puppies are cute, and further acknowledge that my attack on UMSU’s Ugly Puppies Awareness Campaign should have never been published. As retribution for my malfeasance I have agreed to serve as UMSU director of programming. While I will receive no wage, the rectification of this injustice is satisfaction enough. As programming director I will bring awareness to other ugly pets such as the platypus, anteaters, three-legged cats including those that look like Hitler, hairless rats, and two-headed snakes. Hopefully my actions will set an example for my successor at the Manitoban and ensure that Sran’s puppy Fidel is visually offensive. Viva La UMSU.


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Chief editor resigns in shame

SIR-BITCHES-A-LOT FÜHRER-IN-CHIEF