Letters to the editor

Send your letters to editor@themanitoban.com or drop them off at 105 University Centre

Strong exception

Usually I enjoy reading the Manitoban and its youthfully exuberant take on campus life and politics, but I have to take strong exception to this letter (“Strong Exception,” April 4th) that I myself am currently writing. The writer, me, uses complicated jargon and shifty rhetorical strategies to obscure the fact that his letter serves no purpose whatsoever. Really, me, what are you even trying to say?

For example, in the opening paragraph, the writer attempts to confuse the issue with the non-sequitur that he enjoys the Manitoban, even though I happen to know from personal experience that I do not enjoy reading the Manitoban, and never have.

And don’t get me started on the second paragraph and its execrable anti-Semitism. Jeez, me, make your point, but don’t resort to baseless smears.

Also, I’m particularly disturbed by my own accusations of anti-Semitism. Tell me, me, did you even read this letter? Or are you just so pleased with the sound of my own voice that you go writing slanderous material about whoever happens to stand in your way?

Finally, I have to decry the inconsistency and unoriginality of this letter. Quit flip-flopping, and get your opinions straight! Do you like reading the Manitoban or don’t you? Which is it, me? Also, isn’t the very idea of a letter objecting to itself simply lifted from a Monty Python skit? And get your life in order, me. Your apartment is a mess.

Theodore McCreary
Mystic/Philosopher

My objections to this issue

Though I have not yet read this issue, I object to it from cover to cover. I am sure every article in it is absolute shit. The Manitoban is good for nothing. The newsprint is so rough and course it does not even make good toilet paper. I have a rash to prove this. I tried using it as extra layering on the bottom of my bird cage, but my bird started squawking “Polly wants the Uniter.” Then Polly read Carson Jerema’s editorial and died. Though I cannot yet say which articles are most offensive in this issue, I believe they will be on pages 6 and 14. I just get that vibe. Fuck you all. I demand you reimburse me for my student levy funding you jerks, as well as for the cost of a new bird. I hope your deaths come soon.

Edmundo Fabricated

Give me my $6

I can admit that for the past two years of my time spent at the University of Manitoba I have picked up the Manitoban maybe once or twice. I probably don’t know much about the paper or those who work for it. Nor do I care. What I have been annoyed with is the fact that I just found out yesterday that I pay six dollars in student fees that go straight to the paper, and pay the staff’s payroll. Now, what really pisses me off about that little tid-bit, is that I’m fucking giving away money to something I don’t even have an interest in. So I was happy to learn through eaves-dropping on some chic’s conversation, that one of your editors finally came up with some useful solutions for me to get some bang for my buck.

I decided to look online for your suggestions and try them all. And this is what I found. I have about as much interest in oragami as I do in the Manitoban. I think you can answer the proof reading option for yourself. Plus my spelling is shit, so I probably wouldn’t notice anything. I don’t have a bird so I used it to line the inside of my dogs’ kennel. I think he was pretty upset about loosing his comfy blanket at first. So he pissed all over the kennel and it was really rank. I mean really smelled awful. So I moved on to paper-mache, which was kind of fun, but again pretty messy. Plus my dog tried to eat all the god-damned paper and again the aftermath was quite the shit show. Next was the squeegee kid rags, but I drive a really awesome car, so I didn’t want those guys rubbing all your dumb print on my windshield…so I skipped that one. The rollies thing didn’t work. Just in case you were curious. I burned my lip pretty fucking badly, and my girlfriend wouldn’t kiss me because she thought I had another cold sore. The fire starter was probably one of the better ideas. I love lighting crap on fire and I took like a whole stack of papers one day and used gas to light them up. The flame was pretty cool, but your cheap ass newspaper print only burns for like a couple minutes. So that kind of sucked.

I don’t really know what garden mulch is so I didn’t try that one.

All in all I’m feeling slightly better about spending that six dollars that could have gone towards numerous other activities. I think you should come out with a new list each semester because I could see myself getting bored of these really quick.

Sincerely,

Ihate U. Deeply

Ps. What the hell is the code to that word lock by the bus stop?





Volume 94 Issue 27	The Official University of Manitoba Students' Newspaper Website	April 04, 2007

Home About Us Advertise Contact Staff Current Issue PDF Employment Letters to the Editor Meet the Staff Online Archives Personals Volunteer	Font Size Respond Email Print-Friendly Letters to the editor Send your letters to editor@themanitoban.com or drop them off at 105 University Centre Strong exception Usually I enjoy reading the Manitoban and its youthfully exuberant take on campus life and politics, but I have to take strong exception to this letter (“Strong Exception,” April 4th) that I myself am currently writing. The writer, me, uses complicated jargon and shifty rhetorical strategies to obscure the fact that his letter serves no purpose whatsoever. Really, me, what are you even trying to say? For example, in the opening paragraph, the writer attempts to confuse the issue with the non-sequitur that he enjoys the Manitoban, even though I happen to know from personal experience that I do not enjoy reading the Manitoban, and never have. And don’t get me started on the second paragraph and its execrable anti-Semitism. Jeez, me, make your point, but don’t resort to baseless smears. Also, I’m particularly disturbed by my own accusations of anti-Semitism. Tell me, me, did you even read this letter? Or are you just so pleased with the sound of my own voice that you go writing slanderous material about whoever happens to stand in your way? Finally, I have to decry the inconsistency and unoriginality of this letter. Quit flip-flopping, and get your opinions straight! Do you like reading the Manitoban or don’t you? Which is it, me? Also, isn’t the very idea of a letter objecting to itself simply lifted from a Monty Python skit? And get your life in order, me. Your apartment is a mess. Theodore McCreary Mystic/Philosopher My objections to this issue Though I have not yet read this issue, I object to it from cover to cover. I am sure every article in it is absolute shit. The Manitoban is good for nothing. The newsprint is so rough and course it does not even make good toilet paper. I have a rash to prove this. I tried using it as extra layering on the bottom of my bird cage, but my bird started squawking “Polly wants the Uniter.” Then Polly read Carson Jerema’s editorial and died. Though I cannot yet say which articles are most offensive in this issue, I believe they will be on pages 6 and 14. I just get that vibe. Fuck you all. I demand you reimburse me for my student levy funding you jerks, as well as for the cost of a new bird. I hope your deaths come soon. Edmundo Fabricated Give me my $6 I can admit that for the past two years of my time spent at the University of Manitoba I have picked up the Manitoban maybe once or twice. I probably don’t know much about the paper or those who work for it. Nor do I care. What I have been annoyed with is the fact that I just found out yesterday that I pay six dollars in student fees that go straight to the paper, and pay the staff’s payroll. Now, what really pisses me off about that little tid-bit, is that I’m fucking giving away money to something I don’t even have an interest in. So I was happy to learn through eaves-dropping on some chic’s conversation, that one of your editors finally came up with some useful solutions for me to get some bang for my buck. I decided to look online for your suggestions and try them all. And this is what I found. I have about as much interest in oragami as I do in the Manitoban. I think you can answer the proof reading option for yourself. Plus my spelling is shit, so I probably wouldn’t notice anything. I don’t have a bird so I used it to line the inside of my dogs’ kennel. I think he was pretty upset about loosing his comfy blanket at first. So he pissed all over the kennel and it was really rank. I mean really smelled awful. So I moved on to paper-mache, which was kind of fun, but again pretty messy. Plus my dog tried to eat all the god-damned paper and again the aftermath was quite the shit show. Next was the squeegee kid rags, but I drive a really awesome car, so I didn’t want those guys rubbing all your dumb print on my windshield…so I skipped that one. The rollies thing didn’t work. Just in case you were curious. I burned my lip pretty fucking badly, and my girlfriend wouldn’t kiss me because she thought I had another cold sore. The fire starter was probably one of the better ideas. I love lighting crap on fire and I took like a whole stack of papers one day and used gas to light them up. The flame was pretty cool, but your cheap ass newspaper print only burns for like a couple minutes. So that kind of sucked. I don’t really know what garden mulch is so I didn’t try that one. All in all I’m feeling slightly better about spending that six dollars that could have gone towards numerous other activities. I think you should come out with a new list each semester because I could see myself getting bored of these really quick. Sincerely, Ihate U. Deeply Ps. What the hell is the code to that word lock by the bus stop?


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