Get real America!
MAURY POVICH
In 2008, Americans will go to the pulls to vote on a new president. Voters will be faced with a choice as to which political party would better run the Untied States, the Republicans or the Democrats. However, it is time for a change in American politics. Why should Americans have to settle for only two parties? Modern Republicans and Democrats are, more or less, different sides of the same coin. What the U.S. political system needs is a breath of fresh air. It needs new blood, new life, and a new option. That is why it is in the best interests of American democracy for a dark horse contender to run for the high office of president of the United States of America. And that dark horse is none other than Phillip Calvin McGraw (Ph.D).
Dr. Phil would be the best thing to happen to America in decades. Think about it. Dr. Phil gets respect, has street cred, takes crap from no one, and tells it like it is. What better than Dr. Phil telling Americans and the world to “get real” and solve their problems? Dr. Phil would bring accountability and stability to the White House. He would also bring an awesome sense of style with his turtleneck shirt and sport blazer fashion combination he always sports. But best of all, Dr. Phil would bring back the moustache, which has lived for three quarters of a century in exile because of people like Hitler and Stalin. He would also be proof that just because you’re balding does not mean you cannot win America’s highest office.
Furthermore, Dr. Phil’s TV-style presentation could be molded into his tenure in office. We could have a similar “Dr. Phil’s House” concept applied to the White House cabinet. Imagine being able to see the Secretary of Defense and the Secretary of State get into a heated debate over who left the milk out of the fridge. First lady Robin McGraw could drop by every now and then and give us advice on a wide range of political topics. Finally, Dr. Phil could use his TV show as a diplomatic conduit to other leaders and foreign dignitaries. Who wants to watch political meetings between leaders in boring conferences when we could watch them Dr. Phil-style on TV?
Dr. Phil is also inspirational and intelligent; marks of an excellent politician. All great leaders have always been persuasive speakers and wise practitioners of statecraft; Winston Churchill, Franklin Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln… you name ‘em. A quick tour of the Dr. Phil website illustrates his motivational power and intellectual prowess. For example, Dr. Phil’s website allows readers to make stunningly insightful psychological discoveries about themselves. Ever wondered what kind of personality you are? Dr. Phil’s got a test that will tell you if you’re a porcupine, chicken little or poser (seriously, under life strategies advice, go look yourself).
Dr. Phil’s take-no-prisoners approach to life would be ideal for American politics. He shoots from the gut, tells it like it is. There would be no pussyfooting around the real issues with Dr. Phil. I can see it now… “Hey Iran, you have a self-esteem problem, and using peaceful nuclear energy programs to create weapon-grade plutonium will not solve it.” Or, “hey Iraq, don’t like democracy? Tough, get used to it!” Now those are what I call executive orders!
Finally, and most importantly, Dr. Phil’s got something going for him that no other Republican or Democrat has. He knows Operah. Very well. And much like Karl Rove is the architect behind the George W. Bush administration, Oprah could be the brains behind the Dr. Phil presidency. She could use her media influence and sway to help Phil in his quest for the executive office. But in reality it could be Oprah, pulling the strings of her Dr. Phil puppet, making all the important decisions. And who would be against that? Can I remind you that Oprah has been known to give away free cars to members of her audience; need I say more?
Sure, there are minor problems with getting Dr. Phil elected. Some naysayers will cite Dr. Phil’s lack of political experience as a detriment. Well, I say no political experience is an asset, as it would allow Dr. Phil to sort out American domestic and foreign policy without having to deal with such stupid things as “public opinion,” “bureaucracies,” and “international law.” Others will argue that as an Independent, there is virtually no way Dr. Phil could get elected. To them, I say shut up. Dr. Phil may not have a fancy political party, but he does have a book on how to lose weight. And believe me, there is nothing more inspirational to the average American than a man who is by no means skinny telling others how to lose weight. Dr. Phil would pick up the substantial “anti-Gerald from Sub Way” vote for sure, which means millions of votes.
For all these reasons, it is obvious that Dr. Phil McGraw deserves a shot at the office of president of the U.S.. What more could you ask for than a balding president with a moustache?
Maury Povich is a talk show host and Dr. Phil enthusiast.
