Degrees staff replaced by plants
UMSU diner goes green(er)
HANS GOLDFIST STAFF
PHOTO: DESIREE IRMA LORALIE
Degrees Diner, the popular eatery and hang-out in University Centre, run by the University of Manitoba Students’ Union (UMSU) has taken further steps towards environmental consciousness. It was announced last week that the entire human staff had been laid off, and they were replaced by plants.
The radical move comes on the heels of Degrees replacing every utensil and disposable item with biodegradable alternatives in February.
According to UMSU president Garry Sran, “It is a really bold initiative that we’re proud to introduce for the 2007 year…[Degrees] is a very hip place, and I think it’s important that we push that to the point of pretentiousness.”
Under the new changes, all servers, chefs, cashiers, and managers are now plants, representing a broad range of genus and species. The manager, who is a Fuschia, would not comment on his hiring, but he seemed pleased, judging by the way he rustled his foliage.
Outside Degrees, in the line-up that stretched across three floors in University Centre and well into the parking lot, most students seemed happy with the environment-friendly changes.
“Personally, I’m glad to see UMSU is taking action and trying to stave off the planet’s destruction,” said Jesse Schmiderung, a third-year fine arts student standing in line. “I’ve been waiting for my pouting for 52 hours now and, though I have missed many classes and risk malnutrition or starvation, I am happy that I am part of the solution,” adding, “and not part of the problem.”
Others were equally cheery. “I’m so glad that somebody is showing an interest in the environment,” said University 1 student Daniel McGregor. “As soon as I heard the news, I decided to head out to Degrees for a burger and a beer to celebrate. That was three days ago, and I’m still waiting in line. But I’m still excited. I can only assume [the increased waiting time] is the result of so many students wanting to support this awesome initiative.”
One of the servers, a Begonia, would not say why it was apparently taking so long to serve patrons. When pushed for comment, she merely fell over and broke her pot.
Werner Jung, a noted environmentalist, explained why hiring plants is important. “People tend to think of plants as something that must be cared for and protected. Few people give them credit as productive members of society, and that’s why I think it’s important for businesses to implement positive-action hiring policies, to get plants out of the ditch and into the workforce. We environmentalists tend to do a lot to protect plants from harm, [but] we generally do very little to help improve their quality of life, and a disposable income is important for that.”
Former Degrees employee Susan Footstrong, who was laid off last week, bears no hard feelings. “Yeah, I lost a sweet job,” she concedes. “But whatever I can do to help the environment is a good thing. I actually met the Chrysanthemum who replaced me, and I got to say, he really does a lot to brighten up the place.”
According to UMSU, there are no immediate plans to change the way things are run at Degrees now that plants are in charge. The only alteration to the menu will be the elimination of salads, as they are now considered “cannibalistic and barbaric.”
