CD Reviews

Bob Seger Face the promise Capitol/EMI/ 2006 ♥ 1/2	Bobby asks in track 11, “The Answer’s In The Question,” “Will my critics be unkind?” The answer is a long groaning yes! How can they not be with this noise? Face the Promise is Bob Seger’s first album in 11 years, and his latest attempt to make some green. Running at 43 minutes and five seconds, I would think that Seger could have come up with some better lyrics and melodies to fill this time. The first thing that stands out is the annoying overuse of background vocallists. I have heard this disc referred to as gospel rock. That may be the case, and I fear that time away from his roots has sobered the old Rock, but I refuse to think of old Robert as weak and gospelly. The second annoyance is that the album is a platform for Seger to discuss his everyday problems, problems that you and I might have, problems such as the “bills to pay, promises to keep” in track one and “Workin’ these fields, breakin’ my back, I need a better deal” in track three. I don’t know about you, but when I think of someone complaining so eloquently as “workin’ these fields,” my mind immediately jumps to a labourer, perhaps with a hoe (no! not that type of hoe; a flat blade attached at right angles to a long handle) working the land over. I don’t think Seger mowing his three acres on a riding mower counts as “breakin’ my back.” The first track, “Wreck This Heart,” describes how his life hasn’t been going as well as the stronger days of Like A Rock. With lyrics like “every day for me is the same,” it seems like he is not enjoying his “time alone.” He doesn’t like the time away from his family, when he is on the road touring. So be sure to check out his show! David Ian Lipnowski, staff
Timbaland Timbaland presents Shock Value Interscope Records/ 2007 ♥♥♥♥ 1/2	Holy shit! It’s Timbaland’s new album. Like Phil Spector, his touch turns music into gold, or for that matter, platinum. The album, entitled Timbaland Presents Shock Value, is incredibly catchy. Obviously, this is not exactly surprising, considering the fact that almost every song Timbaland has ever done becomes (permanently) stuck in your head. While Timbaland isn’t the most proficient rapper, he makes up for this single flaw by featuring guest artists on every track but one. Featured on Shock Value are Timbaland familiars such as Justin Timberlake and Missy Elliott as well as artists you wouldn’t really expect to collaborate with the all-star producer, like Fallout Boy, The Hives and even Elton John. One of the most amusing aspects of this album is that if all of these songs were released as singles for each individual artist or band, they would all be hugely successful. So, unless Timbaland decides to make every single track a single, a lot of the tracks here might not get the widespread attention that they most definitely deserve. There are, of course, songs that stand out more than others, which in Timbaland’s case means that some are great and others are greater. The first track, “Oh Timbaland,” uses Nina Simone’s “Sinner Man” as its beat. “Sinner Man” alone is a great song, and while this use obviously changes the context of the song, it keeps its spirit alive, creating a head-turning opening number. Whether it’s a song featuring The Hives or Elton John, you should be assured that every track on this album is certified gold, oozing with the most ridiculous beats in popular music today. Whatever flaws this album might have hiding in some dark crevasse, they are forgotten almost immediately. Timbaland is music’s King Midas, and his future his is looking pretty damn golden. Timothy Brown, staff
The Fortunate Get Up, You Dead Torque Recording Company/ 2007 ♥&hearts	You’re walking along a road as cars rush past you. The sky is becoming dark and you’re trying to get home as fast as you can. Suddenly, you see something on the ground. It’s a CD! Upon closer inspection you see that it is a CD from the Fortunate entitled Get Up, You Dead. You are excited. You want to put it in your CD player, but you don’t know if you should. What do you do? — If you decide to listen to it, wanting to listen to something completely original and musically innovative, go to paragraph 1 — If you decide to listen to it, expecting to enjoy music that, while not the most innovative or original, is still at the top of its genre, go to paragraph 2 — If you decide to throw the CD away and just go home, go to paragraph 3 Paragraph 1 — Hey! This isn’t original or musically innovative at all. It’s typical, Canadian hardcore music! Standard riffs and frantic screaming plague your tired ears, causing you to lose balance and stumble into oncoming traffic! You’re dead. Try Again. Paragraph 2 — This hardcore band isn’t even at the top of its genre. It’s like déjà vu. You swear you’ve listened to this album before, except then it was done by a different band. In your confusion, you forget that you’re walking along a bridge and you fall off the side. You fall into the river bed, which is almost completely dry due to the hot, rainless summer. You miraculously survive but all your bones are broken. You may never walk again. Go back and give it another try. Paragraph 3 — Without even listening to it, you get this strange feeling, as if a higher power were warning you away from this album. Doing your part as a responsible citizen, you stomp the CD until it is unusable and then carry it to the nearest garbage disposal. You head home and to your surprise, your parents have bought you a new car. You’ve also won the Nobel Peace Prize for your groundbreaking work in curing diseases, such as cancer. You live to see another day. You made the right choice. Good work kid! Timothy Brown, staff