All hall gamlor, the neon-clawed god of gambling!

MICHAEL SILICZ VOLUNTEER STAFF

ILLUSTRATION BY TED BARKER

Gambling. Nothing says Winnipeg quite like it. Come on, admit it; you’ve gambled before. Hell, you’re probably gambling that reading the Manitoban right now will pay off more than spending an hour in a lecture. Whether you get your thrills from scratching lottery tickets with pennies, or if a fine game of dice in the local back alley is what tickles your fancy, gambling is inherent in our Winnipeg culture. How else are we supposed to spend our time in the freezing cold?

Every Manitoban fits into some gambling stereotype. There are plenty to choose from. There are the modest gamblers out there among us. You know who you are. You’re the kind of person who “gets crazy” and makes a $2 Pro-Line ticket. Then there are the moms out there who feel obliged, come every birthday, to buy their son or daughter a 6/49 ticket. And God bless ’em, let’s not forget about the seniors. This group includes grandparents with a yearly subscription to the 6/49, the old men in funny hats who gamble on “the ponies,” and best of all, the little ol’ ladies with their canes, strutting through Club Regent. Then there are the hardcores. They’re the people who play online poker, wasting hours of productive labour time in a vain attempt to break even against other 14 year-old kids who’ve stolen their parents’ credit card to play. There are also those poor

souls gripped by Gamblor’s neon green claws, scanning their scratch-and-win tickets at the counter instead of scratching them with pennies the old-fashioned way. With all these Manitoba gambling stereotypes, it is clear that this pastime is a part of our culture.

But unfortunately my friends, I am here to advise you that all is not well in gambling land. In fact, our very way of life is under siege by conniving rogues and scallywags taking advantage of the gambling system. Some recent reports on government-run lottery games suggest that there’s a lot more than just luck involved when it comes to hitting the jackpot. And that may very well threaten our gambling way of life here in Winterpeg.

According to the CBC, “lottery ticket sellers won 10 times more often than statistically they should have over the last six years,” the Atlantic Lottery Corporation” recently reported. This adds to the story a few months ago in Ontario, where “CBC has learned that retailers won close to 200 times, winning on average $500,000.”

Such abuse of the lottery system is simply unacceptable. The already terrible odds of one in 56 million have suddenly become even more daunting. What we have here are people winning the lottery who sell the lottery tickets. How am I possibly going to hit the jackpot now, when even if I do actually win, some 7-11 employee will swipe my winning ticket? In the spirit of Winnipeg gambling, that is not fair.

This problem is not peculiar to Canada. Not too long ago, the only reason anyone would ever eat at McDonald’s was because of the fun of peeling back tabs from fries and drinks for the world-famous Monopoly contest. With the possible exception of the Dick Tracy contest 15 years ago, the Monopoly sweepstakes defined McDonald’s for our generation. That is until it was discovered that the company marketing the game had claimed over $24 million in prizes over multiple promotions. It’s not gambling if it’s rigged from the start. No wonder I could never find Boardwalk!

Why, then, do we still continue to gamble? We’re all guilty of it. Whether it’s the long-shot underdog Sport Select ticket, the birthday 6/49, or the valiant effort of turning that loonie you found on the ground at the Pemby into $10 for another pitcher, we all know the odds are stacked against us. Even the government’s out to get us with their one-armed bandits, sapping away our hard-earned minimum wage. Why then do we keep gambling if we know both that the odds of winning are poor to begin with, and that the only people winning are those selling or working for the lottery commission? Will people and Winnipeggers specifically ever wise up and stop gambling?

Never! Despite the continual warnings, exposés, and scandals, we Manitobans will continue to gamble away like there’s no tomorrow. How else are we going to escape this dreadful frozen wasteland and get a January sun tan in Cuba? We will all continue to gamble until that fateful day when we hit the big jackpot. And until that day comes, we’ll just have to keep on buying those 6/49 tickets, content to know that it’s our duty as Winnipeggers to do so. Make Gamblor proud!

Michael Silicz is a first-year law student with a background in political studies and history.