Historical accuracy
Herocotus' dream
BEN POGGEMILLER STAFF
History classes, compared to all the other classes, are especially peculiar. There seems to be little framework for how the courses are taught and I have no idea what the professors intend to teach us throughout the semester.
An example of this lack of framework is the word “mercantilism.” Every history class in the world mentions it, yet I have heard at least four different pronunciations of the word. There’s no standard. How can I be expected to wittily use the word “mercantilism” at a cocktail party if I don’t know how to pronounce it properly?
In addition, the rapidity of each class changes drastically throughout the semester. In a three credit-hour history course, the professor will start at a comfortable, relaxing pace but by the end it feels like they’re covering entire centuries in a matter of minutes.
Professor: “Well I realized that we’re about six months behind in a three-month course, so there was the rise of Hitler then some other stuff happened then the Berlin Wall came down. Good luck on your exam.”
That’s why I believe there should be a new benchmark speed introduced into the science fiction world:
Scotty: “I’m giving her all I’ve got captain. We’re moving at three times the speed of a history professor’s PowerPoint slides a week before exams.”
Worse, the detailed, descriptive PowerPoint slides seen at the beginning of the semester degrade into one-word summaries like “population” or “government” which bear no actual information.
History classes have also humiliated me in that they challenge my spelling ability. I typically think that I’m a pretty good speller but I can’t for the life of me spell the word “buearocracy” reliably. Wait, no, it’s “bueracracy.” Only once in a while will I get it right with “bureaucracy.”
Every class has its annoying students, but history seems to be the worst. First, there are the “groaners,” otherwise known as people who make me groan every time they open their mouth. Another group encapsulated within the groaners is the “supplement people.” They feel they need to improve on whatever the professor has just said, making sure that you know that the professor is just simplifying things and they know what really happened. They also feel the need to cite every other example in history that parallels the one being discussed. In one of my classes, I have a regular groaner and a supplement person and they work in tandem like running backs Deuce McAllister and Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints to deliver that effective one-two punch of irritation.
Then, there are those who feel like they have to answer every question that the professor asks, hypothetical or not. In the words of Martin Prince on The Simpsons: “Ask me, I’m ever- so smart.” They’re not as bad, but annoying nonetheless.
Another topic worth brief mention is the hilariously socialist leaning in the history department. Obviously not every professor falls into this category.
Some signs that your professor might be biased:
1. They ask you what the Marxist perspective would be of a certain situation even in ancient history.
2. They physically stand on the left side of the classroom.
3. They reach up on the chalkboard, revealing a hammer and sickle tattoo on their left ankle, causing you to raise an eyebrow in interest.
4. Your final exam is to regurgitate the Communist Manifesto from memory.
Every subject has its idiosyncrasies, and I find history to be extremely interesting. In the end it’s not important how “mercantilism” is pronounced, and annoying students will come and go. What’s important is that by learning history I will never be doomed to repeat it because that movie Groundhog Day really freaked me out.
