A liar's dream come true
Alibi Network will lie for you
LYNSEY KITCHING THE BROCK PRESS (BROCK UNIVERSITY)
ST. CATHARINES, Ont. (CUP) — Ever wanted to get out of work without a hassle, escape from an awkward date, carry on an affair with no chance of being detected by your significant other, or hide from debt collectors? Now you can with the assistance of the Alibi Network.
All you need is $75 to join and you are on your way to smooth-sailing deceit. Customers’ privacy is very important to the Alibi Network and it ensures anonymity and security for its patrons. The alibis are strategically created for each individual by a personal alibi specialist available for consultation 24 hours a day.
Mike Demarco, vice-president (marketing) for the Alibi Network, said the company is like a consulting service.
“Our services vary across the board based on each client. What I can do is sit and find out about your situation, the people involved, and what you are hoping to accomplish and custom tailor an alibi for you,” said Demarco. “I’m in a unique industry and my market is everybody; in other words, everybody has lied. Everybody is a potential client.”
Services include a virtual hotel complete with a 24-hour hotel receptionist; a worldwide telephone service (making it appear that you are calling from a certain location when you are not really there); an escape-a-date service; and customized alibis for people involved in discreet relationships.
“Our clients are exceptionally happy, but of course there’s Bible-thumpers out there and puritans who don’t necessarily like what we do . . . I find that funny,” Demarco said.
Despite the moral ambiguity of the Alibi Network, Demarco stands by the service.
“Everybody has told a lie. I get death threats from these same puritans who are bothered by the fact that we help people lie. We don’t want to kill anybody but it seems like they do. For every death threat and negative piece of e-mail . . . we get about 17 job inquiries, so I don’t know what that says, but I find it interesting.”
Along with the initial membership fee, prices range from $75 for a simple “rescue me from this mind-numbing date” request, or up to $175 for the virtual seminar/conference/training, the most elaborate option. It includes fake hotel confirmations, an airplane e-ticket, an event itinerary and even a certificate of completion delivered right to your door a few weeks later.
Clients, Demarco said, are evenly split between men and women, and are generally between 24 and 62. “You have a job, are computer-savvy because people typically find out about our services through the Internet, probably have a credit card, are reasonably educated and certainly have something to lose.”
Jonah Butovsky, a sociology professor at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ont., isn’t bothered by the dishonesty.
“I don’t think people lie and cheat more than they did before this service existed,” he said.
The fact that lying has become something that can be bought or produced for the market is more of a concern.
“The only thing that would bug me is making everything a product that you can buy and sell, but that is the nature of the system that we live in. If there is a market for it then someone will produce it, it is commercializing what has already existed.”
