A cubicle zombie's diary

BEN POGGEMILLER STAFF

January 27

It’s actually quite cold today. Janice from accounting gave me a weird look today; it made me want to eat her brains. I think the spring reports are coming along fine, but I wish Jeff would stop slacking off.

February 1

Sally posted a “funny” comic in her cubicle today that I found rather offensive. I confronted her about it but she wondered what the difference was because it was her cubicle and I had no business being there anyway. I asked her if she would like it if I just cracked open that thick skull of hers and she told me to go to hell. I told her I’ve been there and it’s nothing special. PowerPoint was adding numbers instead of bullet points for some reason and it was driving me nuts.

February 5

Jeff had to leave the break room because of my lunch today. He said it made him sick. Later, my finger fell off in the copier and everyone made a big deal about it. We had to call the Hewlett-Packard technician to come and get it out. Once it was out Sally took it and tried to stick it in my ear. Janice grabbed it from her and gave it back to me. I think Janice likes me.

February 18

We got a new intern today. He doesn’t know anything. Was I ever that bad? I seem to be controlling the hunger now, but sometimes I doze off at my desk and wake up gnawing on Jeff’s finger. I got the office high score in Minesweeper. Sally says she got a higher score once, but everyone knows she’s just a liar. Janice and I had a long talk today about cost feasibility. Don’t get me wrong, it was boring as hell, but I think we really connected on a deeper level.

February 21

This weekend I got $20 and a sandwich to be an extra in a George Romero film. All of the other zombies in the support group said it was demeaning, but come on, the guy’s an innovator right? You have to jump at a chance like that.

March 1

Well I found out the reason Janice has been so nice to me for the last few months. I overheard her and Sally talking in the lunchroom. It turns out if Janice can get five people to join her gym, she’ll get a free tote bag. She was just buttering me up this whole time. I was furious, but I signed up anyway. I like the elliptical machine. I guess I’ll never find love. But hey, that’s undead life right? I hope she chokes on that tote bag.





Volume 94 Issue 21	The Official University of Manitoba Students' Newspaper Website	Febuary 21, 2007

Home About Us Advertise Contact Staff Current Issue PDF Employment Letters to the Editor Meet the Staff Online Archives Personals Volunteer	Font Size Respond Email Print-Friendly A cubicle zombie's diary BEN POGGEMILLER STAFF January 27 It’s actually quite cold today. Janice from accounting gave me a weird look today; it made me want to eat her brains. I think the spring reports are coming along fine, but I wish Jeff would stop slacking off. February 1 Sally posted a “funny” comic in her cubicle today that I found rather offensive. I confronted her about it but she wondered what the difference was because it was her cubicle and I had no business being there anyway. I asked her if she would like it if I just cracked open that thick skull of hers and she told me to go to hell. I told her I’ve been there and it’s nothing special. PowerPoint was adding numbers instead of bullet points for some reason and it was driving me nuts. February 5 Jeff had to leave the break room because of my lunch today. He said it made him sick. Later, my finger fell off in the copier and everyone made a big deal about it. We had to call the Hewlett-Packard technician to come and get it out. Once it was out Sally took it and tried to stick it in my ear. Janice grabbed it from her and gave it back to me. I think Janice likes me. February 18 We got a new intern today. He doesn’t know anything. Was I ever that bad? I seem to be controlling the hunger now, but sometimes I doze off at my desk and wake up gnawing on Jeff’s finger. I got the office high score in Minesweeper. Sally says she got a higher score once, but everyone knows she’s just a liar. Janice and I had a long talk today about cost feasibility. Don’t get me wrong, it was boring as hell, but I think we really connected on a deeper level. February 21 This weekend I got $20 and a sandwich to be an extra in a George Romero film. All of the other zombies in the support group said it was demeaning, but come on, the guy’s an innovator right? You have to jump at a chance like that. March 1 Well I found out the reason Janice has been so nice to me for the last few months. I overheard her and Sally talking in the lunchroom. It turns out if Janice can get five people to join her gym, she’ll get a free tote bag. She was just buttering me up this whole time. I was furious, but I signed up anyway. I like the elliptical machine. I guess I’ll never find love. But hey, that’s undead life right? I hope she chokes on that tote bag.


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