Ten four, big rig
A trucker’s guide to highway lingo
AMY REDEKOPP VOLUNTEER STAFF
On your next road trip with your friends you are bound to have a rendezvous at a truck stop. You may be unaware that once you walk through those shiny glass doors, a whole new universe appears. Being a professional truck driver is not just a job, it is a lifestyle with its own unique culture. Have you ever stopped in a truck stop for breakfast and eavesdropped on those in the neighboring booth? If so, you may have had trouble following their conversation, especially if they are truckers. This article will hopefully give you some new insight into “trucker lingo.”
“Swamp donkey” (a.k.a. Bullwinkle) — moose: These magnificent creatures are some truckers’ worst nightmare. They prefer to reside in foliage-rich areas, with many rocks and crevices to frolics in. These sneaky, conniving, and defiantly arrogant beasts are often referred to as a mini-van with five-metre legs. Being this size, they can put a dent into any size vehicle, so when cruising the hillside keep your eyes peeled for moose. Word on the road is that the horn inspires their lust and they may just try to mate with your car, so watch it.
“Lot lizards” — Prostitutes: Some truckers like ’em, others don’t (maybe it depends on their relationship status). These slippery creatures prefer to work under the cover of darkness, often in secluded parking lots. They are seductive, and often manipulative. If you want to play with the lizards, be cautious: they may carry disease or take you for everything you got. Buying sex is illegal, and this goes to show you that hookers aren’t just found in downtown Winnipeg.
“Bears” — the police: A more politically correct and less offensive term compared to the animal that they are usually referred to, these bears can be found almost anywhere. Often found lurking in an approach, cruising the highway, or hiding behind a tree, they basically spring up anywhere. Their favorite foods include coffee and donuts, and they often raid Tim Hortons by the masses (it’s better entertainment than the garbage-eating polar bears in Churchill). These bears have fewer natural defenses then the norm and carry bullet-proof vests, pepper spray, and use man-made weapons to deal with their predators. Police offer protection and keep the highways safe — not only for commercial transport, but for leisure vehicles as well.
“The coop” — inspection stations: The coop and its inhabitants can either be friend or foe. Trucking is a science more complicated then advanced algebra, and if all of the formulas, calculations, and records are not precise or accounted for, the hounds from hell are released to nip at your heels (this is usually more expensive than painful). On the other hand, the coop can offer sanctuary from negligent employers who do not practice due diligence with their fleet. The scales and inspection stations are government facilities to ensure that regulations are followed and standards are met.
“Billy big-rigger” — rookie: This man is dangerous with a capital “D!” He is a cocky, arrogant, overconfident man that gives the trucking industry a bad name. In sleet, snow, or rain, this man’s foot is permanently stuck on the gas. He has an invincible attitude, and possibly even rocks in his head. Billy big-rigger is new to the road, a rookie that is high on driving a big rig and doesn’t stop to take proper precautions.
Please note that it is usually the negligent truck drivers that are talked about, not the cautious ones. Kudos to the safe ones: all material objects, at one point or another, are transported by a truck. Thanks for getting them to us!
