The ghost of Chivalry's past
One girl’s reflections on courtship rituals
DAYNA STEINFELD VOLUNTEER STAFF
As a young and single university student, I go on the occasional date. As such, my adventures in the dating world have led to some reflection on the human courtship process. In particular, I have formed some opinions on the medieval code of romantic conduct, better known as chivalry. The cliché drones that chivalry is dead. Though, based on my dating experiences thus far, I beg to differ. I have found that the ghost of chivalry past still lingers on, having survived as an ancient relic of times gone by.
In his 1790 work Reflections on the French Revolution, the conservative Edmund Burke declared, “the age of chivalry is gone.” Though I don’t believe that this is exactly true, chivalry has indeed evolved since the days of revolutionary France. Today, chivalry is thought of as honourable and courteous action on the part of a man towards a woman. Chivalrous action would include such things as opening the door for a date, or offering up one’s jacket when a date is chilly. Cynics like to say that such thoughtful behavior no longer occurs. However, I would argue, again based on my own experiences, that the average young man makes a valiant effort to impress his date through the application of various modes of chivalry. I would say that the problem is not that chivalry is dead, but that it simply does not fit into the modern world.
When today’s 18- to 24-year-old women were growing up, it was cool to be a tomboy. We grew up with the feminist school of thought drilled into our heads, proclaiming that we were just as smart, strong and fast as the boys. We celebrated our athleticism, and we were not afraid to get a little dirty. Popular haircuts for girls made a decided veer to the boyish (like the mushroom cut that remained a fad into the mid-1990s), and the average little girl chose sweatpants and over-sized Ts over lace and ruffles. This is of course somewhat of a generalization, but it is also overwhelmingly true. Having grown up as a tomboy myself, I can state for a fact that it simply was not cool to be girly. We were not raised as ladies. Though many of us childhood tomboys grew out of that stage long ago, it still feels awkward to be treated as a lady. The plain truth is that our boyish pasts have left us unsure of how to respond to chivalrous behavior.
Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a friend of mine about the wonderful world of dating. We discussed how awkward certain situations are, and she brought up the tendency most males have to hold the door open for their date. “I’ll always go through another door on purpose when they do that. I can open my own goddamn door,” she said to me. Though she was mostly joking, this conversation illustrates my point exactly. We have entered an age in which outdated, chivalrous actions have become more awkward than they are appreciated. However, this does not mean that thoughtfulness is not appreciated. Though, just as times have changed, so too should chivalry.
So how does one modernize a medieval knighthood institution? The answer is simple: get with the times! Guys, instead of holding the door open for a girl, offer to hold her IPod while she does up her jacket. Don’t buy her jewelry; what she really wants is some Lululemon yoga pants, or perhaps some snowboarding gear. Writing poetry can be a laughable offence. Avoid this by burning her a mixed CD in order to get your point across, while still maintaining your reputation. If you really want to do something special, a general rule is to aim for the sentimental rather than the cheesy. Try to express your feelings as honestly and sincerely as possible. Through such means, chivalry is more likely to have the intended impact. Girls of today stopped playing the role of damsel a long time ago. It’s about time that the male population caught up with us, bringing an updated code for courtship with them.
