Ben P hates my department
Vol. I: accounting-curriculum, teaching and learning
BEN POGGEMILLER STAFF
Accounting: An accountant typically keeps track of sums of money that they could never hope to obtain in their lifetime. I’m fairly certain it has been officially ranked as one of the top-10 dullest jobs of all time. Its most redeeming quality is the opportunity for embezzlement.
Agribusiness and agroeconomics: I guess instead of breaking into the lucrative real estate industry, some students interested in business would rather ask people, “Would you like wheat with that?”
Agroecology: Based on the name alone, it seems like an agroecologist spends most of their time asking, “How much pesticide can we use without getting in trouble?”
Anatomy: I think most of the anatomy classes at the University of Manitoba involve singing that song about which bone is connected to some other bone. I’d study for exams by looking at myself in the mirror.
Anesthesia: I’m not sure I like the idea of people devoting their life to knocking people out, other than Muhammad Ali. I’ve read (pretty unreliably) that the first local anesthetic was cocaine. Enough said.
Animal science: Rather than study the beauty and wondrous nature of animals, animal science is devoted to exploiting them.
Anthropology: On the anthropology department website there’s a link called “What can I do with an undergraduate degree in anthropology?” Some actual job titles listed include non-profit manager, park guide, youth authority staff service analyst, and antique dealer.
Architecture: It must be tough having the most well-known person in your field be George Costanza’s alias.
Architecture interdisciplinary: See above, but add “ah, so you can’t make up your mind, huh?” at the end.
Art history: It must be nice to narrow down your perspective of history to just doodles and drawings.
Arts interdisciplinary: See entry for architecture interdisciplinary but leave out the “see above, but add,” at the beginning.
Asian studies: So you’ve decided to study Asia in Winnipeg. Here’s a good way to study Asia: it’s called living in Asia.
Biochemistry and medical genetics: From the U of M website: “Biochemistry is the study of the chemical composition, activity and constituents of living systems.” Does that mean they can tell me where the purple colour goes when I drink grape juice?
Biology: General biology: the most prestigious stepping-stone to medical school.
Biosystems engineering: The 2007 winner of the scariest-sounding department. It sounds like the Borg School.
Botany: The best thing you have going for you is the big Venus flytrap that eats people in The Little Shop Of Horrors. The rest is just photosynthesis.
Canadian studies: Our civil war was essentially a bar fight. Look it up.
Catholic studies: Have fun wandering around the Catholic labyrinth, a.k.a. St. Paul’s College, a.k.a. the building with two third floors.
Chemistry: What’s not to like about white lab coats and vials with noxious, inebriating fumes coming out of them?
City planning: I hate to tell you this, but there are not a lot of cities left to plan. Maybe you can do something about downtown Winnipeg.
Civil engineering: The poor man’s engineering.
Classics: Thucydides is screwing with you. Most of that stuff probably never happened, but you’ll never be sure!
Community health sciences: The website in no way tells me what this is, so I’m just going to skip it.
Computer science: I’ve been waiting for this one. Computer science is the only department where every stereotype you’ve heard is 100 per cent true. The professors are generally pretty clean and articulate, so there’s hope for some of you yet.
Computer science: I used to be in computer science so you get two. It’s the most violent department because all the guys fight over the three girls enrolled in computer science.
Curriculum, teaching and learning: Classes include: confiscation methods, eyes in the back of your head, yelling “who did that?!” and kids who don’t shut up 1 and 2.
