Interacting with insults
“ . . . that’s not what your mom said last night”
Melissa Hiebert Staff
Ever feel like you are the butt of every joke? Don’t worry; you’re not alone. In fact, one of the most common ways people interact these days is by slamming, insulting and otherwise harassing their friends. I’m not sure why or how this random trend of calling down those closest to us has become one of the most popular means of human interaction, so I decided to ask the wonderful students of the University of Manitoba to find out.
“I think that friends insult their friends because it seems like the social norm these days,” said Brett, a second-year statistics student. “It expresses a certain level of comfort around people to make fun of them as long as it seems like a joke.”
This is one theory that makes a lot of sense. Insulting someone, albeit in a friendly way, does require two people to be comfortable with each other, so that each knows not to take it seriously. “It’s just a different way of showing affection,” chimed in Dayna, who is also a second-year student, studying education.
I decided to pose the question to a group of students sitting around a table in the psychology lounge. “We don’t do that kind of thing here,” joked Luke, a linguistics student. “Well, maybe you don’t, loser-face,” replied his friend James. Case in point.
“I find that if you’re talking to your buddies and you are insulting them, it shows that you’re comfortable enough with them that you can do that and they won’t take offence to it,” said James, explaining his comment. James’ thoughts seem to mirror those of a majority of students; it seems that insults and comfort levels go hand in hand for many.
Ajitpaul, a psychology student, had a different opinion on the subject. “It’s hard to show love for someone else, especially between two guys,” he said. “If you say something nice about someone else, they’ll call you a wussy. It’s easier to insult someone and show your love that way.
“When you show love, you’re putting yourself out there, and you might be shot down,” continued Ajitpaul. “But when you’re being harsh and sarcastic and someone shoots you down, you don’t feel as bad.”
This is also another likely candidate for why friends (especially some guys) put one another down. Right up there with arm punches and handshakes, insulting one another is an easier way to show your macho friends that you care.
Another reason that friends call each other by insulting names may simply be that it has become more common than using people’s actual names.
“Some people may feel almost uncomfortable using people’s first names,” explained Ryan, who is also a psychology student. “People can call people bad names and be comfortable with it. It’s more socially acceptable.” If you think about how much you call your friends by their actual names, this suggestion seems plausible. Nicknames can sometimes completely erase your friend’s real name from your memory.
“I find myself grinding my teeth at generalizations about behaviour,” Luke said, in response to the other’s musings. “I personally don’t really do that, but I will insult my friends, as long as I know that they will take it as a joke.”
Perhaps the only reason that friends trade shots back and forth is because it is simply hilarious to come up with new and inventive ways to slam one another.
After talking with many people about the subject, I’ve decided that maybe there is no hard and fast reason why friends tease each other. Maybe it’s to demonstrate a certain comfort level around someone, maybe it’s to show him or her that you care. It could be a form of friendly competition, or, as Adam (who described his major as ‘various’) put it, the “lack of a better conversation topic.” Whatever the reason, trading harmless cheap shots will continue to keep friends laughing hysterically at one another, as well as at themselves.
