Five sporting events that could unite the world

New sports would give Olympics back to the people

Chris O’Leary

EDMONTON (The Gateway) — The Olympics are a perplexing time of the year. For 16 days, sports fans the world over tune in and cheer on their respective nations as they compete in some of the world’s most obscure sports. What I’ve always found baffling, especially during the first week or so of the games, is that people will tune in to these obscure sports and watch them religiously, while having no clue what the sport is really about (read: not hockey).

Rather than having to sit through sports that are being watched solely because they’re Olympic events, the International Olympic Committee should pick up the following five events for Vancouver in 2010. They’re guaranteed to unite the most avid sports fan with a person who couldn’t tell you what shin pads are.

GT snowracing

You grew up on it and by the time you were big and strong enough to take your game to the next level, you had to give it up if you wanted to have a hope in hell of being considered “mature.” Now is the time to bring the GT Snowracer to the world’s biggest sporting stage. Twenty-five of the world’s best GT riders could take part in all of the regular skiing events (downhill, slalom, giant slalom, the super G and the combined) and spectators would be able to relate to the competitors, rather than watch dumbfounded as they hope to see the skier take a tumble going over 100km/hour.

Snowball fight with snow forts

This may not be a true athletic event, per se, but how fun would it be to watch an international snowball fight? The event could basically be a game of capture-the-flag, only with Olympic gold on the line. Teams could be stationed in the mountains for a week prior to the actual competition in order to construct an elaborate fort and to build up their ammunition supplies. The first three teams to capture flags would win medals. Ice balls would lead to an automatic disqualification and, of course, national disgrace.

King of the hill

A KOTH champion is a unique athlete. Large enough so that he/she can’t be easily bumped off the top of a man-made mountain (preferably the snow removed from mall parking lots), yet agile enough to be able to take a hit and still be able to throw challengers off of the mountain when needed. In light of the constantly increasing number of obese people in our respective societies, the champion would likely come from Canada or the United States.

Street hockey

For every Canadian kid who lived his dream of growing up to play in the NHL, there were a handful of others who had more talent and ability with the stick, but were deprived of the chance to further their hockey careers because they lacked the ability to skate. This generation’s street legends of hockey could finally have their chance to shine if street hockey were made an Olympic event.

Remember the kid on your block who tied couch cushions to his legs and stopped everything you shot at him? He probably drives around with a hockey net in the back of his truck these days, ready to go if he sees what resembles a street hockey game formulating — that’s how these street legends roll. For that alone, they deserve a shot at a medal. Dunlop would likely sponsor the event, as their product is the tennis ball of choice for street hockey players worldwide.

Biathlon 2.0

Biathlon has to be the most practical of all Olympic sports. You cross-country ski for a while, then you take the gun off your back and shoot at some targets before going back to skiing. Biathlon 2.0 athletes wouldn’t have a great adjustment to make with their event; the stakes would just be a great deal higher, since the competing athletes would shoot at each other instead of a stationary target. Sure, some human rights-types will be upset by this, but once the masses realize that they could see someone actually die on TV, biathlon 2.0 will truly come into its own as not only the most adrenalin-heavy event the Olympics has ever seen, but as the world’s best reality TV show.

Honourable mentions

Bering Strait challenge (Arctic marathon), an over-the-boards speed skating battle royale, and last but not least, ice-fishing at sea.





Volume 93 • Issue 22	The Official University of Manitoba Students' Newspaper Website	February 22, 2006

Home About Us Advertise Contact Staff Current Issue PDF Employment Letters to the Editor Meet the Staff Online Archives Personals Volunteer	Font Size Respond Email Print-Friendly Five sporting events that could unite the world New sports would give Olympics back to the people Chris O’Leary EDMONTON (The Gateway) — The Olympics are a perplexing time of the year. For 16 days, sports fans the world over tune in and cheer on their respective nations as they compete in some of the world’s most obscure sports. What I’ve always found baffling, especially during the first week or so of the games, is that people will tune in to these obscure sports and watch them religiously, while having no clue what the sport is really about (read: not hockey). Rather than having to sit through sports that are being watched solely because they’re Olympic events, the International Olympic Committee should pick up the following five events for Vancouver in 2010. They’re guaranteed to unite the most avid sports fan with a person who couldn’t tell you what shin pads are. GT snowracing You grew up on it and by the time you were big and strong enough to take your game to the next level, you had to give it up if you wanted to have a hope in hell of being considered “mature.” Now is the time to bring the GT Snowracer to the world’s biggest sporting stage. Twenty-five of the world’s best GT riders could take part in all of the regular skiing events (downhill, slalom, giant slalom, the super G and the combined) and spectators would be able to relate to the competitors, rather than watch dumbfounded as they hope to see the skier take a tumble going over 100km/hour. Snowball fight with snow forts This may not be a true athletic event, per se, but how fun would it be to watch an international snowball fight? The event could basically be a game of capture-the-flag, only with Olympic gold on the line. Teams could be stationed in the mountains for a week prior to the actual competition in order to construct an elaborate fort and to build up their ammunition supplies. The first three teams to capture flags would win medals. Ice balls would lead to an automatic disqualification and, of course, national disgrace. King of the hill A KOTH champion is a unique athlete. Large enough so that he/she can’t be easily bumped off the top of a man-made mountain (preferably the snow removed from mall parking lots), yet agile enough to be able to take a hit and still be able to throw challengers off of the mountain when needed. In light of the constantly increasing number of obese people in our respective societies, the champion would likely come from Canada or the United States. Street hockey For every Canadian kid who lived his dream of growing up to play in the NHL, there were a handful of others who had more talent and ability with the stick, but were deprived of the chance to further their hockey careers because they lacked the ability to skate. This generation’s street legends of hockey could finally have their chance to shine if street hockey were made an Olympic event. Remember the kid on your block who tied couch cushions to his legs and stopped everything you shot at him? He probably drives around with a hockey net in the back of his truck these days, ready to go if he sees what resembles a street hockey game formulating — that’s how these street legends roll. For that alone, they deserve a shot at a medal. Dunlop would likely sponsor the event, as their product is the tennis ball of choice for street hockey players worldwide. Biathlon 2.0 Biathlon has to be the most practical of all Olympic sports. You cross-country ski for a while, then you take the gun off your back and shoot at some targets before going back to skiing. Biathlon 2.0 athletes wouldn’t have a great adjustment to make with their event; the stakes would just be a great deal higher, since the competing athletes would shoot at each other instead of a stationary target. Sure, some human rights-types will be upset by this, but once the masses realize that they could see someone actually die on TV, biathlon 2.0 will truly come into its own as not only the most adrenalin-heavy event the Olympics has ever seen, but as the world’s best reality TV show. Honourable mentions Bering Strait challenge (Arctic marathon), an over-the-boards speed skating battle royale, and last but not least, ice-fishing at sea.


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