No Honda Civics were hurt in the making of this article
Steven Silva
Okay, we’ve all been there, riding in our cars with our buddies when, all of a sudden, you hear it. Embarrassed, your buddies look at you. Shocked, you look at them. But then you realize there’s no smell. Then what could that sound possibly be? Whoa, now it gets louder, and before you know it, you can see it! A too-low-for-Winnipeg Honda Civic zooms by. The car sounds like it’s crapping itself to death like Bob Barker after eight bowls of All-Bran.
Now for all of you who find these fart-cans desirable, cool or useful, you’re wrong on all counts.
For one thing, a low quality muffler can be one of the worst modifications you can make to your car. For the muffler to generate that kind of high-pitched sound there has to be a significant amount of backpressure. Although not all backpressure is bad, increased backpressure means the exhaust isn’t leaving the system quickly and efficiently. Simply, this is robbing you of a significant amount of horsepower, so it really isn’t doing you any good.
I know what the typical response to this will be, and no, your car doesn’t sound like a Ferrari. I’ve heard Ferraris before, and if you think that’s what one sounds like, lay off the blow.
As for this high-pitched opera being cool — look, these are the same kids who live in suburbia and wear “Property of G-unit” shirts. So their view on cool is a little skewed (and their idea of hardship is when their parents buy them the wrong kind of cereal: “I hate my life, this sucks!”). These mufflers don’t make your ride faster or better; all they do is embarrass your sorry ass. Your friends know it, your girlfriend knows it (assuming you have one and if you do she probably has a good pair of earplugs), and it’s about time you knew it.
If you’re the person beside these people in traffic it’s damn annoying! On occasion it can actually be entertaining to see these drivers pick fights with bigger and better cars. It’s reminiscent of a shih-tzu picking a fight with a doberman — like the guy with the big V-8, the big dog knows you’re not worth his time.
These “enthusiasts” give car customization a bad name.
Don’t get me wrong, though, there are some awesome exhaust systems out there for sport compacts that will give you a throaty sound and more horsepower, and keep people from giving you that “grow up” look when you drive by. If you are confused about what system is right for your ride and you don’t know where to start looking but you want a reputable brand, check out the systems that Tanabe and Magnaflow have to offer. You really can’t go wrong with either one, and they have applications for lots of cars, so chances are they have what you need.
I’ve been picking on Civics, but this lesson applies to all you guys and girls driving the Sunfires, Integras, Golfs, and so on. So do your homework, or end up looking like a douchebag.
Tune in next time for criticism on hubcap spinners!
