In defence of the kitchen
Sarah Jones Volunteer Staff
Today as much as any time in the past, women are expected to be nurturing and polished, delicately gracious while breaking new ground. Raised on a healthy diet of Vagina Monologues and veterinarian Barbie, young women are shown that boundaries are things of the past. This new freedom underlies the increasing tendency for both women and men to snub the stay-at-home mom.
Women who are “just housewives” are often taken to be dependent — a high crime in our society, where independence is sacrosanct. Men are even more defensive of their position should they decide to stay home.
However, on the flip side, many women who work to the point of excluding their families are left feeling guilty that they’ve missed something. I don’t want to suggest that all women are unhappy or that it’s impossible to balance, but perhaps there is some problem with the way we approach the options.
In one of my recent philosophy classes we began discussing the pros and cons of enforcing sex-role stereotypes. The class morphed into a polarized attack on the role of women in society. Interestingly, we failed to decide whether or not women have been left with the short end of the stick. However, the fact remains that not only have women failed to dominate physically or financially, but also the most famous chefs, composers, fashion designers and artists are all men. The successful women in these industries are unusual or they have been “masculinized.”
Therefore, we must be doing something wrong or, at the very least, not as well as men. But perhaps this isn’t it at all. Rather, consider that since the history of humans, men have been in power, with the ability to dictate exactly what has value in our society. And as biological chance would have it, men in our species have not been the primary care givers, increasing the chance that raising children will have a decreased value in our society.
So, the problem isn’t so much that women are tied by their apron strings to the kitchen, but rather that this position has never had value in our society. Now, lest I be grossly misconstrued, my defence of the kitchen is not equal to the view that women belong at home in the kitchen, but rather that those who choose to stay home should be seen in a radically improved light.
We should shift the value distribution of our society. Raising the next generation should be recognized as it is, one of the most important roles we will ever take on. This goes for men as much as for women. In fact, if the role were more accepted in our society, then perhaps more men would be willing to stay at home, which would provide those women who want to work with more options.
We’re in a bit of a transition period now, replacing the Brady Bunch with Hamburger Helper and a nanny (though perhaps I’m biased by my childhood in a big city?). Is there something wrong with a daycare childhood? Not as such, but we can do better. Our children deserve to be raised with care and love.
But the issue, of course, isn’t as simple as giving more respect to raising children and baking chocolate chip cookies. If that role implies a financial dependence, then there is no power. To hold onto even the smallest shard of power, mothers will need to be financially secure before hibernating to wipe applesauce from their babies’ chins. Then it follows that women will likely be somewhat older — but older women have a higher risk of giving birth to children with Down syndrome, among other conditions that would only complicate matters. So we’re back to where we started, leaving women to choose between having little power (read: respect) or a career and the potential of missing out.
Liberation, to my mind, would be the freedom not to do everything. Women’s liberation is not the right to become a man. Nor is progress working a 40 plus week, and then coming home to load the dishwasher and drive your daughter to ballet. However, I haven’t quite reconciled how it is possible within today’s society to respect the role of parent, the importance of family, while also retaining the right to take on a career.
See, I’ve been told so many times that I can do anything that I’ve become rather confused and started believing that I can do everything. I get dizzy just trying to fit in all the pieces of what is bound to be my fantastic life. Yet, I’m pretty sure that even if I were somehow satisfied with a part-time career and a full-time family, I would still be bothered by (the fear of missing out and) the nagging ideal.
Sarah Jones has a degree in microbiology from Dalhousie University.
