Excuse Yourself
Ignorance is no longer an excuse
Jeanne Fronda Staff
A lot of people can’t agree on what it means to have good manners. This is only natural, as etiquette is about social standards, so essentially, it is determined both by one’s culture and dictated by those who surround you.
So of course, what one person considers good behaviour isn’t necessarily what another person considers good behaviour. Maybe this discrepancy is one reason why so many are fascinated by the topic. Just take a look at some popular book titles that examine etiquette: Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why by Peter Post, Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour by Judith Martin and — my favourite — Walter the Farting Dog by William Kotzwinkle.
In fact, if you look at the origin of the word etiquette, then it’s apparent why people are so drawn to making rules about manners or examining socially-acceptable behaviour. Etiquette originates from the French word étiquette, which stems from the Old French word éstiquet, meaning label. So when we’re talking about manners, classifying behaviour is really the name of the game.
In keeping with the word’s spirit and origin, and to give you an extremely bite-sized guide to etiquette, I figured I’d highlight three types of impolite ignoramuses who are just too lazy to say a two-word phrase that only takes a second to utter.
The nudgers: These are the people who cut through a line up and don’t say “excuse me” to anyone they accidentally touch. They pummel their way through a perfectly polite row of folks like a football player trying to get a friggin’ touchdown. Unwanted physical contact between strangers really merits some sort of warning or acknowledgement. It is downright rude to believe nudging or accidentally groping someone else is all right and doesn’t require an acceptance of responsibility for this uncivilized behaviour. I suggest that if you can’t be bothered to say “excuse me,” you should really keep your hands — and the rest of your body — to yourself.
The bell ringers: These are bus riders who reach across another person in order to ring the bell so they can get off the bus. Seeing a complete stranger’s arm careening toward your face is really an alarming sight. You can’t tell if the person wants to poke you in the eye or if they simply want to stretch their arm. Merely saying “excuse me” will ensure that you don’t make the bus riders around you anxious when your arm begins to flail about. If you know ahead of time that you must invade someone’s personal space in order to go about your business, then you really should say “excuse me” before committing the act.
The burp ‘n’ farters: These are people who perform acts that involve bodily functions, especially ones that involve emitting a sound such as a burp or a fart, but don’t bother to say “excuse me.” I think excusing oneself should be required before, during and/or after an act that results in some form of noise pollution. But acknowledging the act before or after the fact will likely bring more attention to you and to the deed in question, so this is really a matter of how much embarrassment you can take. But if you can laugh at yourself and are genuinely concerned with how your behaviour could offend the delicate nature of those around you, then you’ll suck it up and blurt out the magic two-word phrase immediately. (Besides, when your mouth has already released a burp, it’s clearly free to do other things, such as say “excuse me.”)
In any case, good manners aren’t something that we’re born with. They’re simply rules that we can learn or reject. Maybe one of the reasons people don’t conform to such rules is because they just don’t know any better. In the meantime, I guess it’s up to some of the more manners-conscious people to give a few pointers to the etiquette-impaired. If I’ve offended you, then you’ll just have to excuse me.
